New York State of Mind or California Dreaming?

Five years ago this summer, I went to see a physic.  I was going through a tremendous change in my life;  I had a lot of difficult decisions to make about my future, and I was desperate for some guidance.  The woman I met with was a family friend who had a great reputation.  So on a hot and steamy afternoon down the Jersey shore, I grabbed my tape recorder, and off I went.  She read my cards from a regular 52 card deck and halfway through the session, she stopped short and stared at the cards for awhile.  

After what felt like a pregnant pause, she finally spoke.   "What does California mean to you?"

I frowned.  California meant absolutely nothing to me.  I didn't know a soul there, nor did I even really associate with anyone who was from the west coast..  

"California is in your future.  I'm not sure why you are going, but I promise you, California will most definitely play an important role in your future.." 

Puzzled, I looked at her like she had ten heads.  I never, ever had any desire to move to California.  She might as well have said, "Missouri".  My entire life was on the east coast and I had no intention of ever leaving.   So I just shrugged and the session continued on.  

If you told me back then that five years later I would be in possession of a California ID, I would have laughed in your face.  

It's blasphemy on so many levels.  

Nevertheless, in November of 2010, I boarded a plane at Newark International Airport with two suitcases and a one way ticket to LAX in my hand.  I left my fabulous life in New York City for the unknown Wild West.  And three years later, I lived happily ever after in Los Angeles, complete with amazing friends, a dog, a convertible, and a surfboard.  

But it wasn't always so…. Like so many great love stories, my relationship with California was quite tumultuous from the start. If you ask anyone I knew during my first year out in LA how I felt about California, they would all roll their eyes and say the same thing:

"She misses NYC. "

And I really did.  My new residence in Los Angeles seemed more like a "vacation house" than a permanent home.  I ended up traveling back to New York about five times that first year, mostly to work and make money since I was having hard time finding work in LA.   I missed the food, the subway, my friends, my family, and my life there.  My roommate had to hide my "Sex and the City" DVD collection because watching just one scene would cause my eyes to fill with tears and send me into a depressing downward spiral.   

New Yorkers are trained to hate Los Angeles, and I was no exception.  LA didn't even stand a chance nor did I care to even give it one.  The whole city seemed so stupid.  How could they not have a subway system?? Or yellow cabs available 24 hours a day? Or parks? Or happy hour? Or bagels??

I grew up rooting for the Yankees, Giants, and Knicks.  I saw almost every Broadway show.  I pronounced the word "water", "wuh-ter".   I ate bagel, egg, and cheese sandwiches, and I knew what good pizza tasted like. 

None of that existed in Los Angeles.  

My goal was simple: Give myself six months, earn some television or film credit and get the hell back to New York City by the following summer. 

And here we are three years later, and I still live in LA.

But like I said, it wasn't an overnight success story… It took a long time. That first year, I still "officially" (in both heart and address) was in NYC. I refused to give up my lease at West 81st street (So I sublet it out) and I refused to buy a car or anything that would "anchor" me in LA.   I continued my life and relationships with everyone in NYC like I still lived there, but was just doing a lot of traveling.  

The second year in LA, I started to live a "double life".  I ended up getting a car and started to get more comfortable on the west coast, however I still maintained my "NYC life".  I spent about six months in LA, and six months in NYC - working in both cities pretty actively.  I was living the bi-coastal life, not really committing to any coast permanently.

However, my third year in LA was when things really started to change, and it became a very definitive year for me.  I started to realize that so much of my NYC life was fading… friends were getting married and moving to the suburbs, and a new generation was moving up.  Life there was going on… without me.  And crazily enough, a new life for me started to blossom in California.  I had amazing friends in LA, I was working more than ever, and really enjoying "the Cali life".  I took up surfing, got a dog, and started to love sushi.  Drives up the PCH and spectacular sunsets, not all night bing drinking, became my adventures; and I was truly happy.  

Furthermore, I didn't have that usual pang of desire to go back east for a visit for almost six months… In fact, this is my first time back since Christmas vacation…  It's been the longest stretch I've ever gone without visiting since I moved to California.  

And the day before I left LA, I was truly sad… I was sad to leave my friends, my apartment, my dog, my car, my life…. I was in the Cali groove and was afraid about how I would feel being back in NYC… would it be the same? 

Well needless to say, I've fallen back in love with this city the same way I did when I was five years old.   

It's the best city in the world.  

That's the thing about New York City…  It's my pure matter.  It always welcomes me back with open arms and endless adventure, no matter how badly we left off.  It's been the most successful relationship I've ever had..   Neither distance nor time seems to affect it.  Sometimes, it keeps me in line and/or kicks my ass, but it will always be my favorite love affair.  

And the whole thing got me thinking… I've always identified myself with New York City; I'm loud, abrasive, full of candor and energy.  I move fast, and I don't take crap from anyone..  

You know, I'm a typical New Yorker.  

But in the last year, something has changed within me…. I've calmed down a lot.  I've started to enjoy Friday nights at home curled up on the couch with wine and a movie.  I don't stay out until 6 am anymore., and rarely wake up with painful hangovers or the "fill in the blank moments of the night" game leading to concerns about the "bad choices" I might have made the night before.  I speak slower, fight less, and have even become more easy going and (gasp!) less angry.  I've definitely lost a bit of my edge, but sometimes I feel it's for the better.   

California certainly agrees with me.  

And it's definitely causing an identity crisis in my heart.  

They say that home is where the heart is.   So where is my heart? And more importantly, where is my true home?  

Living in Los Angeles certainly has a lot of benefits.  The weather rarely changes from being 75 and sunny (although this is a characteristic that I could certainly put in the "con" category as well - I really miss a good thunder or snowstorm… and I really miss the autumn..).  The landscape is beautiful - California has everything, beaches, mountains, and a plethora of physical things to do.  I love going out for an evening surf, watching the sun set over the Pacific, and then driving my car (top down of course) up the Pacific Coast Highway and through Malibu Canyon where I am provided spectacular views of an exquisite sky filled with pink, orange, purple, and red light.  I love shopping in Beverly Hills in sweats, and then to the horror of the sales people, buying nice items.  I love horseback riding at the ranch with my friends through the mountains.  I love the movie nights at home,  and the brunches at Crave Cafe; our favorite spot.   Southern California is the only place you can go skiing in the morning and surfing in the evening, all in the same day.  I love taking my dog hiking in the mountains, hanging on the beach with my friends, and our dinner parties in our extremely large-by-nyc-comparison apartments.  The night life may end at 2 am, but I won't complain about it; it's led to a much healthier lifestyle.  I drink less because I have to drive everywhere, and I don't stay up so late anymore.  I've become an "early to bed, early to rise" person.  The sushi is fresh, the mexican is spicy, and the avocados are delicious (and cheap).   

But what I think I love most about living in Los Angeles, is the life I've created there.  I have some incredible friends who have become my sisters; they are truly exceptional women and I can't imagine my life without them.  I love my work, my dog, my students, and the opportunities I've been blessed with; I've gotten to do some incredible things out in LA.  I've worked hard, and it's payed off.  I truly love living in California… it's a beautiful place, and I feel so lucky to live there and be able to discover all of its treasures (and there really are so many).  More times than not, I've experienced so many moments that have taken my breath away.. And when I finally stopped comparing LA to NYC, I truly started to appreciate it as its own entity.  I could finally see all it has to offer.   

But on the other hand, the traffic is a bitch, it's a very anti-social city where people never interact with each other, and it NEVER RAINS.   You can't just wander around the city aimlessly; You have to drive everywhere because public transportation is a joke (trust me,  I know this first hand).  It's very hard to "stumble" upon cool places, shops, and restaurants.. You have to actively seek them out. You can't get any good bread or bagels, and unless you're a Lakers fan,  there's not a lot of "sports spirit".  It's not as convenient as New York; things close early (both stores and restaurants), and if you want a cab, you have to call one.  There's NO parking, and going out sometimes feels more like an unnecessary production that is worth it.  There isn't really a "bar scene" so you have to map out the entire night beforehand, and unless you're going to a private house party or industry event, it's probably not going to be a crazy night.  

People say that LA is "fake", and ok, yes that's partly true… there is certainly such a thing as "the LA Spin" (I mean, let's be honest - it's Hollywood: The Land of Make Believe), and people can definitely be phony and plastic… but most of it's inhabitants are transplants from other regions of the country, so if you surround yourself with good people, you can handle the bullshit just fine (and you usually end up laughing about it).  I was once at a party where a woman who more or less looked like me, actually came up to me and told me that we couldn't stand near each other because we were the "same type".  True story.  And of course, people are always looking for someone to help them out… If they think you're "nobody", they'll ignore you and move on, but the second they hear that you are an agent, producer, writer, or someone "important", they will put on their LA face, and schmooze the hell out of you.  It seems gratuitous, but in truth, this is what we call "The Hustle" which is unfortunately necessary in the entertainment industry... And only those who perfect it will succeed.  I usually roll my eyes at it, but as much as I hate to admit it, I've done it myself… I'd be lying if I said I didn't have my own "LA Face" that I put on from time to time... All of us in the industry do; in LA it's called "Schmoozing."  New Yorkers call it "Networking."  

But like I said before, it's so much more low key and chill on the west coast….  Such a stark contrast from the hustle and bustle of the north eastern tri-state area, where I spent my entire life., and especially from the city I've always identified with since I was a little girl with big dreams of becoming a professional dancer on Broadway….

It's no secret that I love New York City.  It is loud, obnoxious, hard edged, and crowded.  It moves at a unnaturally fast pace, and it never sleeps.  It's expensive, it's cramped, and it's ruthless. 

Oh yes.... I really love this city.

There is something about the energy of NYC.  I can't really explain it, but it anyone who's spent time here can tell you that it most certainly exists.  New York City is a metropolis of adventure.  You can get any and every thing you want, any time of the day.  It's a jungle of diversity, concrete, natural wonder, and opportunity.  

I can't say enough about NYC.  My mother calls it my "Tara" (another reason I'm called Scarlet).  It's always been my sanctuary… Whenever I was having a bad day, I would just leave my apartment and wander around aimlessly, exploring the city's many hidden gems and jewels (and there are too many to even count).  I would just walk for hours, meeting new people, discovering new stores, and witnessing some of the strangest things I've ever seen.  I love this city with all my heart and soul.  It has been the most consistent and long term relationship I've ever had.  It can knock you down and it can kick your ass, but my God, it's so worth it.  

I love how Yellow Cabs freckle the streets, and how people are constantly moving around.  I love the men in suits, the kids on the playground, the elderly on park benches, the in-love embraced on the grass, and the angry on their cell phones.  There are tons of hidden gems all around the island.  Like I said, you can wander around and stumble upon the most fabulous stores and restaurants… Just today, I was walking to the studio when I stopped in a little vintage store on West 75th street.. I ended up buying a Vintage Dior dress for an obscenely low price (negotiated, of course).  That could never happen in LA… You can't just discover places via exploration.. You have to use Google.   

You can get any type of food from any place in the world here.  Every time I travel, all I think about it, "I can get this back in New York City and it will be just as good".   Of course, this is the best place for bread, pizza, bagels, and breakfast sandwiches.   You can get a newspaper in any language (not to mention, probably even hear that language on the street as well), and you can experience any culture from any part of the world.  It's a city of convenience: you can get anything, any time, any day.  You want pizza at 4 am?  Walk forty five feet outside your door (I just did it on Saturday).  Sure the weather can be brutal in the winter, but it's par for the course..  The city looks good in any season - Fall, Winter, Spring, Summer.   The spectacular skyscrapers not only kiss the sky, but they brilliantly sparkle anytime of the day or night, thanks to sunshine or interior lighting.  The architecture of the buildings is awesome - apartments usually lie above bars, and each neighborhood has a unique look and feel to it.

Professionally, you can be anything here - a butcher, baker, dancer, banker, bartender, mom, corporate tycoon, lawyer, doctor, actor, teacher.  You don't need a car - the city offers an abundance of public transportation options (24 hours a day, I might add).  It might not have mountains, but walking through Central Park feels like you've entered another region of the state - it has an abundance of natural beauty… tall trees, placid lakes, and meadowy grass (not to mention some beautiful fountains, baseball fields, and complex hiking trails…I mean, honestly, hasn't anybody else ever gotten lost on the Ramble??)

Everything is in one condensed area… It's not spread out like LA..  Each neighborhood offers something different, and it's possible to hit each place on foot in one day.  It costs nothing to window shop (and you can get exercise while doing it).  There's always something to do, somewhere to go, something to see.  You can see a baseball game, explore a museum, see a broadway show, opera, or sit in on a concert in the park.  The cultural opportunities are endless.

They say that NYC can be a very lonely place, but trust me, so can LA. People leave their homes, get in their cars and go directly to their destinations; there's not a lot of interaction with other people along the way.  New Yorkers are forced to interact with others everywhere; the streets, the trains, restaurants, bars…. Social interaction is not only abundant, it's contagious.  

New Yorkers are a rare breed of people… not unfriendly, but extraordinarily real.  They are filled with an inexplicable amount of candor; They tell it like it is, and never sugarcoat anything.  I love how everyone loves the Yankees, Mets, Giants, or Jets;  there is just so much city pride...

But most of all I love that my family is here.  I can run myself into the ground with the ten million things that the city offers, then jump a train back to the farm for some R&R and a good home cooked meal to recharge my batteries.   

But don't get me wrong, I've also had some not-so-good times here in this city.  For as many times as I've fallen in love and found success, I've also had my heart broken too.  I've fallen down, I've failed, and I've lost.. Like I said, the city can truly kick your ass.  

But still no matter what… how long I leave, or how far I go, NYC always welcomes me back with open arms and enormous opportunity.   I become intoxicated by the energy here… the diversity of people, the level of convenience.. and the incredible force that the city has on it's inhabitants, both residents, and visitors.  

It's so hard to decide which city is really my home… or which city I love more.  

New York City will always be my roots… I have so many truly incredible memories here.… Epic nights out, torrid and long term love affairs, tears, laughs, success and failure…. It is the place I spent most of my 20s… the city where I learned how to live,  how to love, and where so many of my dreams came true.    

But I think that LA has become my wings.  It's where I learned how to start over, and to survive…. It's where I learned how strong I really am (and trust me, it wasn't an easy road…).  I grew so much as a person by moving out there.  I've learned a tremendous amount about myself; what I can accomplish, and how adaptable I can be.  

And now, it seems that I'm once again living a double life; I have amazing friends and work in both cities, and whenever I'm in either place, I truly feel at home.  I always just pick up where I left off and continue on like I never left.. And when all is said and done, I think this has been the best thing that could have happened to me.    

Since being in LA, I've become a strange hybrid.   In truth, I partly left New York City because I was becoming so jaded and hard edged.  I didn't like who I had become.  I had forgotten why I was there, and what I loved about the city.  So I decided to take a little break from it.  They say that the best way to appreciate New York City is to leave it… and it's absolutely true.  

I like the person I've become.  Yes, I have relaxed a lot, and now have a much better check on my temper, but I still have my city swagger, thanks to multiple trips here during the year.  It now takes a lot more to really get my temper flared, but when it does I still have my ruthless attitude;  It's just more hidden these days.  Sure I've gone a little soft, but I can still handle myself when I need to.  Overall, I've definitely slowed down and learned how to enjoy life, not just rush from one adventure to the next.  I've become a better person who is more patient, calm, and relaxed.  I'm not as aggressive as I used to be, I don't cop an attitude within ten minutes of meeting someone, and I've learned how to hold back my impulsive  knee-jerk reactions, but I can pull out the sass if I need to (which I most certainly do… after all, that's who I am.).  Moving to Los Angeles was one of the best decisions I ever made.

I probably saved me from becoming a true cynic.   

And as much as I love New York City and would love to move back here full time, it seems that for now (or at least until the signs point otherwise) my address will continue to be in Los Angeles for fall, winter, and spring, and New York City for the summer.  Besides, I don't think I'm finished out on the west coast just yet… I believe that there's still more adventure to be had, and more I wish to accomplish.

I'm really lucky... I have a job that offers total flexibility.  I can work from either coast, both dancing and tutoring and the opportunity on each coast for these vocations is endless. This, coupled with a strong foundation of friends and family in both places, has enabled me to truly exist on both coasts; financially, emotionally, and geographically.  

How lucky for me; I've discovered a way to have the best of both worlds… A way to truly benefit from each city, and all of the splendors they have to offer. 

I guess that you really can have it all.  

Don't get me wrong, it's hard to come back to NYC for visits… I always get the itch to move back; It's certainly the love of my life.

But like a wise Jersey Boy once said, "Who says, 'You can't go home?"

After all, there's no place like home…. even if "home" has two addresses.