And also how some things have not.
So I decided that it would be a fun exercise in self-reflection to fill it out again and see how contrasting those answers would be nowadays... And because this is a blog about my adventures from NYC to LA, I thought it might be interesting to see how my life has changed from the time I lived in NYC to how life in LA is now.
It was written at the end of my last year of graduate school at Columbia.. I remember that I was overwhelmed with work as a student teacher at La Guardia, my own academic classes, thesis writing, dance training, competitions, and also trying to keep up with the crazy social life that I had at the time. I was literally running from dawn to dawn. Back then, I had stamina and passion. I was so fresh eyed about the future... I thought my life would go in a completely different direction than it actually did.
It was blissful ignorance.
Looking back, these "surveys" were so silly and narcissistic.... But they sure were fun to fill out at 2 am when you couldn't sleep. :)
I have left my "NYC answer" first.. then bolded my present answer for life in LA.
The Ultimate Survey:
1. Last beverage→ Green Tea.. gotta love the green diet. Water, no ice. I now drink like a European.
2. Last phone call→ Becca. Becca (The same Becca.. my dear sweet best friend Becca)
3. Last text message→ Arthur. Jake (One of the things that have changed for the worse is that Arthur, my old ballroom partner, actually just passed away last week… I would give anything to get a text from him now).
4. Last song you listened to→ The scrubs theme song - it's on tv. Viva la Vida (by Coldplay).
5. Last time you cried?—oh god, yesterday, but it was for a good reason and everything is fine now.... kinda. Last week when I found out about Arthur's passing.
SIX HAVE YOU EVER:
1. Dated someone twice → no. No. I still have never done that… But I'm in awe (and a bit jealous) of people who do. I've always wondered what a second chance at a relationship would be like… if things would really change or not.
2. Been cheated on? → yes. Yes. (This is the same answer, about the same person). He remains to be the only person (I know of) who has cheated on me.
3. Kissed someone & regretted it? → no, why would I regret it? You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss.. Casablanca. great movie. I should watch it the next time I have two hours free.. maybe in May? Nah, I don't regret much. I can think of a few frogs I've kissed who I'd like to forget about, but none that I really regret.
4. Lost someone special?→ yes. Yes. Too many special people have been lost.
5. Felt depressed?→ yes, and if you knew me last April and are still friends with me today, you deserve a medal and a big drink (or a bag of doritos... your choice). That "last April" was a very dark time.... a life shattering break up. But to answer this in present times, I would say, yes. When I first moved to LA, I went from homesick, to sad, to depressed very quickly.. My first year here was a really rough year. I definitely felt depressed.
6. Been drunk and threw up? → yes, only three times... twice was in the Waldorf Astoria lobby (poor boyfriend spent 500 dollars on a hotel room TWICE just to have me spend both nights in the bathroom) and the other was when someone "roofied" me over the summer. I was sick for daaaays. Oh my gosh, I had forgotten about the Waldorf times.. and since then, I think I've only gotten sick three or four additional times. One was in Paris, another was in NYC the night before Thanksgiving a few years back, and another was over the holidays in NYC right after Christmas. I'm getting old and clearly can't hold my liquor… or wine.
LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
Dara blue
Green
Pink
Yellow
I still agree with this. I wear a lot more pink now.
HAVE YOU:
1. Made new friends → Yes and I am so blessed that they have come into my life! Besides, i talk to everyone and anyone.. as a wise friend once said "you could charm a chair" ;) Yes. And I'm continued to be blessed. I like to make new friends. There are so many interesting people in the world, why not get to know them, and learn something new?
2. Fallen out of love → no... but I've been forced out it. I guess this still remains true.
3. Laughed until you cried → yes. And then I peed in my pants. And then the show went on with a puddle on stage. Ohhhh middle school was a rough time. Yes, yesterday actually. I hadn't laughed that hard in a LONG time. It was the most incredible conversation about otters that I've ever had.
4. Met someone who changed you → yes for both the better and the worse. Yes. Absolutely yes. I can only think of two people in the last four years who have done this… but they flipped my world upside down.
5. Found out who your true friends were → yes and I don't know where I would be without them.. I love them all so very much. As time goes on, I keep discovering this…
6. Found out someone was talking about you → yes, but I am sure it was alll good things ;) Yes, and in my industry, that's always a good thing. What do they say? There is no such thing as bad publicity.
7. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ I don't believe so. unless you count the european double cheek kiss.. I have no idea what this means…. i'm assuming the friend who "tagged me". Probably not...
8. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → 90 percent? 70 Percent?
9. How many kids do you want to have→ At least two.. a ballerina and a ball player. Just like me and my brother. I still agree with this statement. I really hope I have one of each.
10. Do you have any pets → I do not. But I want a dog so badly and I wish to name it Maximus. Yes!! A beautiful sharpei-shepherd mix named Bella Bambina aka Moose, Goose, Smoosh, and Mooses Gooses. I wanted to name her Maxi after Maximus, but I thought that would confuse her. She's definitely a lady.
11. Do you want to change your name→ no, I like my name. I have a stage name that I do not use anymore so I guess it was good to change that back to my real name. Nope. I still like it.
12. What did you do for your last birthday→ had the most amazing night when 110 of my dear friends came to celebrate at Mannahatta ( and my favorite jersey friends and family came to Tao for dinner as well!) It was a night to remember!!! This year was another wonderful birthday and was eerily similar to the one I'm referring to in this first answer… Dinner at my favorite restaurant in LA (Bottega Louie) with my favorite people, and then Kim and I had our big annual birthday bash at Boulevard3 in Hollywood. It was an awesome night.
13. What time did you wake up today→ 6: 00 am Why am I still awake? Excedrine Migraine is a powerful drug. 9:30 am. I rolled out of bed and walked about forty-five steps to the beach.
14. What were you doing at midnight last night→ For once... i was actually not at dance rehearsal.. i was home in my bed.. actually spending quality time with it considering I only spend about 10 hours a week in it. For once, not in rehearsal lol. That hasn't changed at all. I was actually drinking some Jameson in San Diego with my friends, Steamboat and Anthony.
15. Name something you can't wait for → Miami, graduation, getting a job, having a job, being a normal person again with a life when grad school is finally over… Wow, back then I had so much to look forward to… Life still hadn't begun. Now? I honestly don't know. I guess I'm pretty content in the present. All those things happened. I'm not really waiting for anything that direly right now. I guess if I had to pick something, I think I truly look forward to falling in love again. It's been awhile... I think it's time to let the wall down, and let someone in.
16. Last time you saw your dad→ ohh it was awhile ago. I miss the old man. :( About three months :( I still miss the old man.
17. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? my student loan debt. I am in as much debt as a doctor… I honestly don't know…. As I get older, I've stopped wishing for things. According to the universe, my life is just as it should be. Sometimes, my mind wanders over to the land of what might have been and I wonder what it would be like to have a real 9-5 office job, with a house, a husband, and children. But then I snap back to reality and feel grateful for the life I do have, and how cool it is that I can just up and leave and head out of the country for a few months to dance around the world. And then make a two month stop back in NYC for the summer. It's pretty cool. So I guess the student loan debt is still a good one. Aside from my dog, it's the biggest commitment I have.
18. What are you listening to right now → Dr. Cox ranting at JD. God I love scrubs… Coldplay.
19. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → yes. This is a random question. Why tom? I know lots of Toms actually. Tom's, Dick's and Harry's. Actually I don't know any Dick's. Unless you count the jerk off's I've met in past. Does that count? Wait, I do know a Rich and the name "Richard" could technically be "Dick" but he's really nice so lets just call him Rich. Rich is great. Looking forward to seeing him tomorrow night actually. I must have been deliriously tired when I wrote this first response. And I still know a lot of Dicks. That hasn't changed.
20. Ever been stood up → yes actually. My perfect record was broken this year. But I'm not afraid to laugh about it. Life is too short to be mad. I actually haven't been stood up since that incident. And the guy who stood me up is still a friend of mine.
21. What's getting on your nerves right now → We'll leave it at the fact I am wide awake and need to go sleep. Rude and fake people. I've grown very intolerant of rude and fake people.
22. Forgive or Forget → I forgive very easily.. too easily.. but I never EVER forget…. This remains half true. As I've gotten older, it gets harder to forgive. However, I still never forget…. although I truly wish I could.
23. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up → A dancer (I saw the wizard of oz and it changed my life). A dancer. I'm way grown up and am still dancing. I guess that was a success wasn't it?
24. Most visited web page → gmail. It's a tie between Gmail and imdb.com.
25. A memory you wish you could erase → Being cheated on. I don't even think I would erase that now... it taught me a lot. But there is now definitely something that I would love to erase from my memory. It happened the night of the royal wedding in 2011 and it was probably the worst experience of my life. I would love to erase that night.
26. Any major regrets? → Spending the last seven years in a relationship? Moving to Philadelphia? Quitting my dance job for a man? I have a lot of regrets. Wow, that was a harsh answer. I was clearly bitter about something. As of the present, I don't have many major regrets. I've learned to accept the decisions I've made and the things that have happened (which is not easy). But there are a few mistakes I've made that I wish I had not over the last four years. Like opening my big fat mouth when I should have kept it closed.... or acting on impulse rather than thinking things out and being patient. I can't help it.. I'm an east coaster. We move fast and aggressively.
1. What's your name→ It depends which documentation you look at. My SAG card says Daralina Komar. My License says Dara Komar.
2. Nicknames→ D, Dara, Komes. D. Everyone in LA calls me "D".
3. Relationship Status → For the first time in 7 years.. I am Single and Fabulous; Exclamation Point. Whew... glad I got that off my chest… Back then, that question was so simple to answer. Now, it's so much more complicated . Back then you were either single or in a relationship.. now it's "Seeing someone", "Dating", "talking to", etc. I don't even know what level I'm at. All I know is that I've got terrible instincts when it comes to relationships. That hasn't changed in four years.
4. Zodiac sign → Pisces.. I am the biggest fish you'll ever meet. I still am a mushy gushy pisces.
5. Male or female or transgendered → Female. What?
6. Elementary→ Deerfield School #9
7. Middle School → Readington Middle
8. High school → Hunterdon Central
10. Hair color → Brunette Brunette with a few silver unicorn hairs. I call it my garden of wisdom.
11. Long or short → long and its due to be cut. Long and it's due to be cut.
16. Height/weight → 5'10 baby! I probably weigh about 140 lbs. Nowadays, I lie about my height and weight… In Hollywood, you always round down - with everything. I tell people I'm 5'9. But I'm really 5'10. The height question is a lot like the age question. I don't even know what "LA age" I am anymore. The internet says 28. And weight? HA. Well my license says I weigh 135. Apparently, I weighed myself that day without any of my internal organs. Or shoes.
17. Do you have a crush on someone? → do I? I don't know. Not really... Well, let's say I'm mildly curious. I don't know. im too busy to have a crush and I'm too busy to be chasing people around. if someone wants go out, fine. Pick up the phone and call. Honestly, are there any "men" left??? I like that original answer. But to answer it presently, let's just say someone from my past has resurfaced, and it's being explored.
18: What do you like about yourself? I don't know i haven't really thought about it. Maybe that I'm passionate about everything I do? This answer is interesting to me…and it hasn't really changed except that now, it's additionally something that I don't like about myself. Caring too much has gotten me in a lot of trouble over the years.
19. Ever sleep in the same bed as someone of the opposite sex → I lived with my significant other, so yes. What a lame question. Obviously designed for younger people. Not oldsters like me. I'm not even going to answer this one. I still think it's a stupid question.
20. Favorite Quote → I have a lot but i think one of my favorites is "sometimes you just can't hold back the river" and my other is "If what one has is made of pure matter, then you can always go back to it and it will never spoil; but if what you had was only the explosion of a star, you will find nothing upon your return". Gotta love the Alchemist.. Maktub. ;) These are STILL my favorite quotes. It was comforting to read this. Maktub.
21. Righty or lefty → Righty but oddly enough, everything I do better is on the left... I can turn better on left and am more flexible on the left and can kick higher on the left.. i think i should be a lefty but evil elementary school teachers made me righty. It's true. I am still more dominant on my left side. It makes my dance partner crazy.
FIRSTS : These can't really change, can they?
22. First surgery → Third grade tonsilecomy?
23. First piercing → Ear
24. First best friend(s) → Kelly
26. First sport you joined → softball and I was terrible at it.
27. First pet → a dog named bucky.
28. First vacation → I don't recall.
29. First concert → Billy Joel at the Garden... I was in a new york state of mind...
30. First crush → Dave Aragon.. sigh... be still my beating heart.
RIGHT NOW:
49. Eating → nothing - oh god what I wouldn't give for a pizza bite or burger... i can't wait to start eating again in May. HA. This hasn't changed either. I'm back on that damn green diet; the same one I was on all those years ago.
50. Drinking → green tea. Water.
51. Recall something you're proud of → Getting into Columbia? Dancing on Gossip Girl? Dancing at Madison Square Garden? Dancing on the Radio City stage? Getting into Harvard? (even though I didn't go), my family? my friends? Life? I don't know. I am proud of a lot. Wow I was proud of a lot back then. I suppose I am still proud of a lot, those things included. But I'm also ashamed of a few things. I guess that's what life is about though, isn't it? I guess if I had to pick something new, I would say I am proud that I moved to LA with NOTHING and literally created a wonderful life for myself; all from scratch.
52. I'm about to → hopefully sleep? Pop a sleeping pill and go to bed.
53. Listening to → for the third time... Scrubs! For the third time, Coldplay.
55. Waiting for →myself to be tired. i am so screwed up with my sleep habits. These lovely magic little blue pills to kick in.
YOUR FUTURE :
58. Want kids? → yes very much so. I still feel this way.
59. Want to get married? → yes when the time is right. I still feel this way.
60. Careers in mind? → i've had several careers and I think that they have each suited me for the time I was involved in them. Next step? Education. HA! If I only knew back then what would happen in the next few years…. Well I'm back into the dance career with education threaded within it. Boy I was wrong when I thought I was going to be a teacher. I'm amazed at how things work out.
RANDOM:
61. Ever live with a girlfriend/boyfriend → Yes. Yes.
62. Ever live alone → Yes, right now and its faaaabulous. Yes, back in NYC.
63. Favorite alcoholic drink → Fresh Strawberries and Champagne. Still the same. I love a good glass of Moet Nectar with strawberries.
64. Favorite Food → Anything Potatoes and Bread and Cheese and I could eat pizza every day for the rest of my life. Still the same. And I really could eat pizza every day for the rest of my life. And/or Potatoes and Cheese. This hasn't changed sine i was 10 years old.
65. Ever been on TV → Yes I was on Gossip Girl and in a Nike Ad promo. I had totally forgotten about that Nike Promo… But yes, I have been on TV a lot more since then. Check my IMDB Page if you really care haha.
66. Current Job → Graduate Student. Its a full time job. Dancer/Tutor.
67. Favorite thing you did today → Grade papers in Central Park. It was a beautiful day for grading. I surfed in the Pacific. (Wow what a difference that one was.)
WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
68. Lips or eyes → eyes... always been a sucker for eyes. ...And I always will be. There's nothing like gazing into someone else's eyes.. in my opinion, it's one of the most intimate things that two people can do together.
69. Hugs or kisses → hugs are wonderful however a kiss is equally important because the chemistry has to be there. Anyone can give a good hug. I still believe this.
70. Blonde or brunette → I don't really care, but I'm privy to brunettes. I still don't really care.
71. Older or Younger → ah jeez, the youngins are too flaky and the older ones are too pursuant. And I've done the "same age as me" thing too.. and well that was a big disaster. So I dont know. I know 23 year olds who act 40 and 40 year olds who act 23. Age means nothing. Maturity means everything. I was wise to write this back then. It still remains true.
72. Romantic or spontaneous → romantically spontaneous. You gotta be up for an adventure and if you're with me.. you bet your ass you'll be on one! I like this answer. I think it still fits.
73. Nice stomach or nice arms → nice arms to give nice embraces. I still agree. I love strong arms.
74. Sensitive or loud → Well both. i am both sensitive AND loud. its possible. I still am both.
75. Hook-up or relationship → there is a time and a place for both, but I'm more of a relationship person. This remains true.
76. Text or Talk → I'm guillty of this.. but I loate having text message "conversations". if you want to talk just pick up the damn phone and call me! I might not be able to answer, but I promise to call you back . Texting is great for quick messages or quick convos but not a whole discussion! I STILL think this way. Technology is killing everyone's social skills.
77. Trouble maker or hesitant → ahhh i want a real man... a trouble maker who stays out of trouble. Addendum: I want a man who can defend me if need be, but never provoke the fight.
HAVE YOU EVER :
78. Kissed a stranger → yes. yes.
79. Drank hard liquor → yes. yes.
80. Lost glasses/contacts - yes. yes.
81. Sex on first date → no. Define, "date"?
82. Broken someone's heart → Yes, and it was one of the best things that could have happened to him. Wow that was so optimistic and arrogant of me to write back then….I like to think that I haven't done this since then, but then again, I'm not sure.
83. Had your own heart broken→ yes, but it was one of the best things that could have happened to me. Once again, how naively optimistic I was! I'm not sure what I was thinking because that heart break left a lot of residual smoke that still hasn't cleared. But I guess if that had never happened, I wouldn't be where I am now. But since then in the past four years? Yes, I have had my heart broken again. But it was an important lesson I had to learn (And it never would have worked out anyway).
84. Been to Hawaii → Yes in 2006, and it was the best trip of my life. I will never deny that. Four years later, I actually do deny that and here's why: I went back to Hawaii in 2012 and believe it or not, this more recent trip was even better than the first one. The only difference is that this was an impromptu trip that was filled with spontaneity and unexpected adventure and romance. It was not planned, but ended up being one of the best trips of my life.
85. Been arrested → does accidentally "stealing sunglasses" count? Or joking around about being a prostitute in a hotel at 2 am count? If not, then I guess technically, no. As of 2013? Still technically, no. But I have been in trouble with a law a few times. There's been a warrant out for my arrest, and I was once escorted out of the bar I worked at by a gaggle of police officers. That story should be my next blog.
86. Turned someone down → yes, I'm picky. I am still picky.
87. Cried when someone died → yes, of course. I cry over Walmart commercials, what do you think?
88. Liked a friend that is a girl/guy? – no I di did, they wouldn't be my friends. Yes.
DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
89. Yourself → yes I do. Well, I am really good at pretending I do.
90. Staying close with your ex→ oh here's a million dollar question. i think it depends on the reason for the break up and how bad it was. This is still a million dollar question. And all these years later, I STILL don't know if you should, or even can. But as I get older, I'm leaning towards no. Maybe after a certain amount of time has passed, it's ok.
90. Miracles → yes, and they happen every day whether we notice or not… Sure, why not?
91. Love at first sight → No. I used to, i really used to. But I believe in connection at first sight. Love is developed and cultivated. It takes work dammit, but a connection is either there or not. I still believe this answer.
92. Heaven → yes some form of it. Yes.
93. Santa Claus → yes, i saw mommy kissing him. I truly wish I still did. LIfe was so much simpler back then.
94. Magic → In a young girl's heart. I also believe in Puff. He's magic. Or Ben Vreen singing "We've got magic to do". I love Pippin. That musical changed my life. I must have REALLY been delirious when I wrote these first answers.
95. Kiss on the first date? → why not? you might as well figure out if you have chemistry or not. Yes.
96. Angels → yes, i have about a dozen of them. They keep me out of major trouble and I really and truly believe that. My Angels are STILL as hardworking as they were all those years ago. I try to give them breaks when I can.
ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Yes.
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → no, thats what cheaters do. No, I don't believe in juggling. I like to give my all to the person I'm with.
99. Want a boyfriend/girlfriend→ If its meant to be, then fine. If not, then fine. I'm content with either right now. I like this answer, but I don't know if I could handle a real "relationship" right now. It'd have to be a really easy going and flexible guy. My life is all over the place. Or maybe the relationship would push me to slow down and start to settle. I'm not sure.
100. Posting this as 100 Truths? → what a stupid question. And four years later, it still is.
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