Deal or No Deal?

A few weeks ago, I reluctantly went on a date with a guy who I really didn't want to go out with.

But he was extremely persistent.  

He was a bouncer at a bar that my friends and I like to go to.  I had met him a couple times and he was always very amiable.  So one night, I gave in and typed my phone number into his phone.  I didn't think much about it. I mean, how many times do guys actually use the number they're given?

I was so wrong. 

I immediately started getting a superfluity of texts.  He was very consistent; Always sending me messages, asking me questions, trying to get to know me. 

It was the kind of thing a girl would want from a guy she really liked.  

He was extremely complimentary and seemed very interested in getting to know "who the real Dara was".  But having just gone through a little heartbreak over the holidays, I wasn't really in the mood to get to know anyone, nor was I in the mood to let anyone get to know me.  However, at my roommate's insistence (and against my better judgement), I decided to not break New Years' resolution #3 (Not be lame).  So I finally acquiesced and went out with him.  

The date itself was, for lack of a better adjective, nice.  He was polite, sweet, and very pleasant.  He asked me a ton of questions, and seemed fascinated by my answers.  I learned that he had attended Ohio State University where he played football and majored in business.  Originally from Massachusetts, he was a New England Patriots fan (burn), and loved the Red Sox (double burn).  He had worked in finance for awhile, but then decided that it wasn't for him and that he wanted to be an actor.  So about a year ago, he moved to LA to "do the acting thing."  He was tall, dark, good-looking, and very strong.  He was cordial and respectful.  There weren't any awkward or quiet moments, and ignoring my protests, he even paid.  At the end of the date he kissed me goodbye, and while there weren't any fireworks or sparks, it was just (like the date) nice.  

A few days later he called me and told me via voicemail that he had a good time and wanted to hang out again soon.

Then I did something I almost never do.  I didn't call him back right away.

Yet the text messages kept coming.  It was clear that he was interested; he was really trying to get to know me… asking questions in a way that made me feel like I was on a Barbara Walters special.   It was very sweet… in an overwhelming kind of way.

But that didn't make me want to go out with him again.

What was wrong with me? This guy was great on paper… Why was I not even giving it a chance? 

So I decided to go through my list of usual "initial deal breakers" to see  if he qualified.  

1.  Smoking: He didn't do that. 
2. Not intelligent/doesn't used proper grammar or vocabulary (I realize that this sounds a bit ridiculous.. but one of the things I really appreciate in a man is intelligence and his ability to talk about something other than Derek Jeter's batting average): He attended a good college and seemed to be pretty smart and cultured.  He didn't make any major grammatical mistakes, and he even used the word "exacerbated".  
3. Under 6'2: He is 6'4.  (I know, I know… I'm so shallow.  But I'm tall and I like to wear heels.)
4. Long Distance: He lives in Studio City (about three miles away).
5. Not be "passionate":  Here was the only area he kind of drifted into...  He didn't challenge anything I said, and he didn't seem to be a very "passionate" person. He was very agreeable (which drives me nuts - take initiative, make a decision, and have an opinion!)  The only thing he had going for him in this category was that he worked as a bouncer so I'm pretty sure he knows how to defend himself (or me for that matter) if he needed to. 

Damn.  Well I couldn't use any of those, so unwilling to give up just yet, I came up with some more, shall we say, specific excuses- er I mean deal breakers.

1.  He was a Patriots and Red Sox fan.  I could never fall in love with a Patriots or Red Sox fan (which is total bullshit because last year I went out with a Patriots fan and was really into him. )
2.  He didn't know how to dance (though he said he would try and truthfully, the only thing more sexy than a man who can dance, is a man who can't dance, but is willing to try.)
3.  There was no apparent chemistry… no spark. 

But were these lame reasons sufficient enough to end something that hadn't even started yet?  Was I being ridiculous? I was never the kind of girl was willing to just "settle" for someone because they were there…  So maybe all my deal beakers were just excuses to avoid being with someone I just wasn't crazy about.  

The whole thing got me thinking.  Why was I being so picky?  So I thought about the last guy I actually really liked, and tried to figure out why I liked him so much.  

What made him different than this guy?  

He had flaws of course, just like we all do. But I adored him despite his imperfections.  In fact, I think it were those imperfections that truly attracted me to him. 

So why didn't my deal breakers apply to him? He certainly qualified for a few of them.  

I couldn't explain it.  Why are we drawn to certain people and not to others?  Are our deal breakers iron clad without any room for negotiation? Or do we toss the list aside when we find someone who we think we really like, despite all the red flags?

And what makes someone "perfect" for us?  The bouncer was seemingly perfect; I can't really pick out anything about him that wasn't "good enough" but I wasn't even remotely interested… And the last guy I was interested certainly wasn't perfect…  but I fell hard and fast for him.  

So what made him so right and the other one so wrong?

It's no secret that I'm unforgivingly picky when it comes to men.  I've never been a "serial dater" and if I'm not into someone right away, I don't waste his or my time "getting to know them." I'm a believer in the "when you know, you know" school of thought and  if there's nothing there from the start, I cut my losses and move on.  But with that said, when I really do like someone (which so rarely happens), I give it my all and dive in full speed ahead. 

It's a huge problem.

So I started to look at my own "dating stats" and tried to find a pattern.

Some were older, some were younger, and aside from all being tall, they all were physically quite different.  

But looking back, almost all of them had one thing in common:  Almost all of them were "wounded" men.  Of course there were a few exceptions, and don't get me wrong, they were all good guys, but most all of them had endured some traumatic or heartbreaking experience that left him emotionally scarred and pseudo closed off.  And I wanted to be the one who saved him and nurtured him back to happiness.  I wasn't looking for perfection...  I was looking for a project.

Then I realized it:  I had a type. 

 Not only did that type contain many specific characteristics and qualities (tall, strong, super intelligent, and reticent), but they were simply emotionally unavailable.  The worst possible match up for someone as emotionally charged as me.  

But as it turned out, my emotional charge was completely aroused with them because they were all strong and stoic men who had some impenetrable wall that needed to be torn down..  

And I wanted to be the person to do it. 

So there it was.  I had "lost puppy syndrome." 

And my new friend wasn't lost.  He seemingly had it all together.   

No wonder I wasn't interested.  

Of course, he could have been putting on a front.  I mean, I didn't let him in on the little known nerdy fact that I read AP History books "for fun", or that my "soothing bath music" is a Puccini Spotify station.

And furthermore, maybe it was unwise for me to want these "projects".   After all, each one of them ended, didn't they? Not one of them were successful relationships.... So maybe this was a pattern I needed to break.  Maybe all this time, I was picking the wrong men. 

So I made a decision.  I decided to give the guy another chance.

Who knows, maybe he'll surprise me…..  Or maybe he'll end up with all the others, on the island of lost men.  

But either way, let's be honest here... He's a Patriots fan.

This thing realistically can't go any further than September.

All You Need is a Dollar and a Dream

For Chandler, Shannon, Becca, and Tim... Thanks for keeping me inspired. <3

There is a tradition amongst my family and friends: When someone leaves for a trip, a dollar bill is separated into halves and each person is given a piece to carry with them for the duration of their journey. The purpose of this is to ensure a return since the dollar only has value when it is whole, complete, and back together. The words "Per Fortuna" (Which mean "Good Luck" in Italian) are written on the dollar to bring luck and safety to the traveller. When both parties are reunited, the dollar is reattached and sent out into the world to be used again.

I can't tell you how many dollar bills I've cut and handed out to people; there have been so many...   But what I can tell you, is that the dollar has always been reattached and sent back out into the world...

With the exception of four times.  

Those four half dollars were given to four very special people.  They weren't people who were about to go on a trip,  but they were about to be separated from me for an indefinite amount of time.  However these dollars represent so much more than just "a separation"…. They aren't necessarily meant to be reconnected.   On the contrary, they represent "a connection."  The four people who hold the other halves of these dollar bills hold a special place in my heart and have made a profound impact on my life in some way or another. The words on those dollars symbolize either the element of their personality that I strongly admire and wish to embody myself, or a word that represents my relationship with that person.   The idea is that as long as we each have our half dollar, we will always be connected  (Think turtle doves in Home Alone 2). 

I guess you could say that it's my way of telling someone how special they are to me, and how I will never forget them.

So in addition to the description of the original tradition I described above, recipients of these special half dollars also received the following addendum in their letter.  

"Over time a new tradition evolved: To write a word on the dollar that represents the person I have split it with.  I never use the same word twice because each person will always have something different to offer - so I use a word that will remind me of them when I look at their dollar.  And for you, I have chosen the word "[whatever the word is]." 

Here are those four special people their words, and why they their half dollars mean so much to me.  

Dollar #1: "Strength and Discipline"

His name is Chandler.  And he is the best dancer I know.  

He is in fact such a great dancer, that one night when we were out dancing in Murray Hill, he dipped me so fiercely that he dipped me right into a high-top bar table where I slammed my head and and got a concussion.   

Four months later I took him to my brother's wedding as my date and everyone thought he was my actual professional ballroom partner.  He's that good.  

But our story began way before that night.

Chandler was my very first customer at the bar I worked at in NYC, Kings Head Tavern. 

After five minutes of talking to him, I intuitively knew that we would be friends…  And I was right.  

Maybe it was because he was at the bar so often with his buddies because they lived across the street, or maybe it was because whenever he was there we had so much fun, but over time,  Chandler and I became very good friends.  We would always do our signature shots of Jameson when he came in, and we started hanging outside of the bar when I joined his flag football team for Zog Sports.  He always came in with the same crew; They were all good looking, fun, athletic, and very intelligent.

Oh yes, I said both athletic AND intelligent.  Chandler was the captain of his college football team… and that college was Yale University.

He is also the most social guy I know - everyone who meets him absolutely adores him.  He has this magical way of making you feel like you're his best friend, even five minutes after you meet him.  

So when he came in to visit after his work day during happy hour, we would talk about the Ivy League (I went to Columbia which was a rival of Yale), his favorite football team (Broncos) vs. mine (Giants), or just life in general.  He learned about my family, and I learned about his.  As time went on, I became very fond of Chandler.  I adored all the guys in his crew, but he was my favorite. I called him My Scarecrow.  I even took him to my brother's wedding and he was the best date anyone could ask for.  We spent the entire night on the dance floor (I told you he was a great dancer), and he closed out the night with my dad in the hotel bar doing shots of whiskey and talking football.  He was not only sociable and fun, but he was a true friend.  

He is also very strong and very disciplined.  

Chandler knows that hard work is required for success… An exceptional athlete, he also recognized that training was vital to keep his body strong and he was disciplined enough to do the hard work when he needed to.  Natural strength is necessary of course, but discipline is essential to supplement and maintain that strength… And as a testament to that strength and discipline, in 2006, Chandler led his football team to the Ivy League Championship… and won.   But it didn't end there...  He is now working as an assistant football coach for the Vanderbilt Football team down in TN.  

Impressive, right?

As a professional dancer, I spent years turning down dinner invitations because I wanted to avoid eating anything that would make me gain weight.  I spent endless nights nights in the dance studio rehearsing instead of out with friends (My line was always, "I can't, I have rehearsal.").  I starved myself before ballroom competitions so that I my costumes would fit.  I had to work really hard to be disciplined… and it wasn't easy.  

So needless to say by the time I met Chandler, I was a bit burned out.  And I started eating lots of Lindt white chocolate and lots of pizza.  

But when I decided to move to Los Angeles a few years later, I knew that the west coast would not be the place to have a little "winter padding".  

So I got myself back in dancing shape and prepared to move out west.  But before I left, I chose three good friends that embodied some sort of quality that I knew I would need in LA.  

Chandler was the first.  

So when I look at my Chandler half dollar, I remember to stay disciplined, keep my body strong, and to avoid the Lindt White Chocolate.   

I also think about how he can Double Dutch better than anyone I know.

Dollar #2:  "Passion and Conviction"

Her name is Shannon.   And she knows every word to almost every Disney song ever written.  

This was demonstrated to me one night when we had a Disney movie marathon where we sang along (word for word) to every song from the films Aladdin, Mulan, and Pocahontas. 

Her ringtone on my phone is "Make a Man out of You" from Mulan.  

However that song is in no way indicative of who Shannon is.  On the contrary, she is the personification of femininity.  She's the girl who every guy wants to date, and every girl wants to be.

I first met Shannon in a Waltz class while I was in Grad school at Columbia.  She had just graduated from the school the year before but was still involved in the ballroom program.  I noticed her instantly - she was tall, beautiful, and very good at the waltz. She was also extraordinarily trendy - the girl has an incredible sense of fashion.  She looked like the kind of girl who had everything … you know, one of those girls.   Probably totally unapproachable, standoffish and snobby.  So of course, I went over to her and introduced myself to her and asked her some stupid question about the combination, just to prove myself right.  

She was the antithesis of everything I thought she would be.  

We instantly became friends.  

As time went on, we became very close.  We shared an affection for Disney movies, fashion, and dance.  I was living by myself up in Morningside Heights, and as fate would have it, when my lease was up, she happened to need a new roommate.  The next thing I knew, I was moving 30 blocks south to my new digs at 81st and Broadway with her.  

It was an awesome apartment, and we made some great memories there.  Shannon worked for the New York Times, and I was bartending and dancing, so our hours at the apartment were total opposite.  But we still made time for each, other especially on Sundays when we would go to our favorite brunch spot (French Roast), catch up, and shoot the shit about everything; from the men we were dating to the shoe sale at Saks. 

Like I said, Shannon is beautiful.  She is intelligent.  She is also really trendy and cool.  She's an amazing dancer, and she also is a super talented artist.  She's kind, considerate, and always willing to lend an ear to listen, or advice to be used.  But she is also has something that very few people have.  

Conviction.  When Shannon wants to do something, she does it.  And she never half asses it.  She sees it all the way through.  When she started to get involve in Zouk, a Brazilian dance, she quit her job at the Times to move to South America and continue her training properly.  THAT is conviction.  She also puts everything she has into what she does.  She is one of the most energetic people I know and it's one of the things I love most about her.  Everything she does, she does it passionately and completely.  

I have a tendency to not finish things that I start.  Maybe it's because I dabble in so many different things, have so many options, and never know what I truly want to do (ie. grad school v. a pro dance career).  Moving to Los Angeles meant that I would be running full steam ahead towards a professional acting career.... or at the least, a continuation of my dance career.  I would need to keep my eye on that prize and not get distracted.  

I would also have to remember that on the days when things weren't going so well, or the days when my feet were bloody from dancing for nine hours, that I truly loved what I was doing.  That passion is essential to any profession in the arts.. it's a thankless and moneyless job where you have to sometimes literally scrape the bottom of the barrel to survive… It's really easy to walk away, or sell out.  

I knew that when I moved to LA , I would need to remember that….. I would need to remember why I was there; for my passion of dance and entertainment industry... but I also needed to remember that I had to truly follow through on the decision I made move there.   Not half ass it, but give it my all.    I would need both passion and conviction…. just like Shannon has.  

So when I look at my Shannon half dollar, I remember why I came here in the first place, and become motivated to keep going, even on the days when I want to quit.  

And I think about how even on her most "dressed down and casual" days, she still looks perfect.. right down to her accessories.  

Dollar #3: "Loyalty and Faith"

Her name is Becca.  And she gives me wrinkles.   

I love hanging out with her because she is the funniest person I know.   I hate hanging out with her because she's giving me crow's feet from all the damn laughing we do together. 

Becca is the true embodiment of a Renaissance Woman.  She holds a Master's degree in Biomedical Engineering.  She is a marathon runner.  She has a beautiful singing voice (I even saw her sing at Carnegie Hall!).  She plays an instrument.  She's funny. Social. Beautiful. Kind.  Compassionate.  And she has a kick ass sense of adventure (we've traveled all over the world together). 

She is totally Type A.  I am totally Type B.  

She is a responsible planner.. The girl won't do anything without thinking it through.  I am impulsive, jump into things without thinking, and can barely keep a calendar.    

She works hard for her money and maintains a solid budget. I spend my money on designer shoes and fancy restaurants. 

She is open to dating all kinds of interesting and different men.  I am unrealistically picky and won't go out with someone unless they fit into my very specific type-box.  

She and I are totally the opposite.  

But we are totally the best of friends.  I love that girl like a sister.  

We've also been to hell and back together.  

I met Becca on two separate occasions.  We both had the same summer job one year, and she also happend to go to Graduate School with my boyfriend.  

I always joke around that I got Becca "in the divorce."  And it's true.  When my ex and I broke up, she did a great job of trying to stay friends with both of us.  But he turned out to be an ass to her, totally cut her off, and so by default, I got her all to myself.  My friendship with her was the best thing that came out of that relationship.  She and I were both living in the city at that time and we lived it up... to the fullest.   

She literally carried me through my break up.  It was one of the darkest times of my life, but she somehow guided me through it, all the while, making me laugh.  I also was present for her devastating breakup about a year later.  We've seen each other through it all.  The best part about Becca is that when I'm low, she always steps up (no matter what she's going through) and helps me through the rough patch.  And when she is down, I always seem to muster up the strength to carry her through her dark spot.  It's how we roll.  There are ten thousand things that I love about her.  

There really isn't enough space on my entire computer to talk about Becca. I've had more adventures with her than I have with any other friend.  She is fiercely loyal, something I truly appreciate in a friend, and I honestly don't know what I would do without her.  She's the kind of friend I can totally be myself around... I can call her at 2 am to cry to her when my heart is broken... I can interrupt her workday to tell her about the new gig I got.  She's the kind of friend who will never judge, but always offer honesty.  She always knows when to coddle, and when to give tough love.   Every time I see her, we end up laughing.. Hard.  She's funny as hell and makes me laugh so hard sometimes that I cry.  We're like Lucy and Ethel.  

But the thing I love most about Becca is that she truly believes in me.  And she has ALWAYS supported every one of my crazy ideas and dreams.   She has also been present for almost every competition, show, and exhibition I performed in while in New York City.  And she always believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself.  Her loyalty to me as a friend has never waned.. not through boyfriends, disagreements, nor through distance.  I know I can go to her with anything, and she will never turn on me.  

I can never truly articulate how grateful I am for Becca and her friendship over the years.  She's an All-Star.  

She constantly reminded me to follow my dreams, and to be open to any and every possibility.  She was one of my biggest cheerleaders and always reminded me to have faith, even when I was at the lowest of the low.... her ever nagging reminder to "believe" became my mantra.  She kept telling me over and over that things would get better.  And she was right.. all I needed was a little faith.  

So when I look at my Becca half-dollar,  I remember to have faith, to believe in myself, and also that no matter what I do, I will always have her loyal support.

And I think about how I will need to start getting botox on my eyes if I spend anymore time with her.  

Dollar #4: "Trust" 

His name is Tim.  And he is the only person I know who can beat me in Jeopardy.  

While I can dominate him in the musical theater and history categories, his brain is an endless abyss of useless trivia and knowledge...  He gets every question correct (and I have to say that even in my categories, he gives me a run for my money…. I mean, he knew that Alexander Hamilton was a senator from New York State and was shot dead by Aaron Burr during a duel… Come on, aside from history teachers and tenth graders, who knows that?!)  

The guy is a walking encyclopedia… He's brilliant.  

He can also do a foxtrot that would make Frank Sinatra croon out "The Way You Look Tonight'  from his grave.  

But upon first glance, you would never suspect any of this from the handsome lieutenant…  I certainly didn't when I met him.   He was a pilot in the Navy who had just returned from deployment and was visiting his family in NY.  I was a dancer working a couple of gigs and vacationing in the NYC for the summer.  We met through mutual friends, and after a night in the city filled with way too many Jameson shots, we got in a cab, and left the bar together.

I never thought I'd see him again.   He moved to Hawaii, and I went back to LA.  

The End.  Or so I thought....  

In October, I booked some dance work in Honolulu, so I decided to reach out to him to see if he wanted to meet up while I was there.   I mean, if i was all the way there, why not stop by, grab a Mai Tai together, and catch up?

He agreed, and before I knew it, we were playing "getting to know" you though text messaging during the weeks prior to my trip.  I learned a lot about him, and surprisingly started to look forward to hanging out with him again.  But I tried to keep in mind that I had only spent a collective 12 hours with this guy…. this whole thing could have been a huge mistake.  

But the second he pulled up to the Lihue Airport in his jeep and flight suit, any anxiety I felt was instantly assuaged.  We immediately hit it off.  It was like we had known each other for years.  

I was only supposed to stay with him for three days.  But then next thing I knew, I had rebooked my flight to leave a week later, and was being twirled around the dance floor in a Versace gown at the Navy Ball in the Grand Hyatt Kauai.  

Sometimes, life is funny like that.  

I ended up spending ten days in Hawaii with Tim.   They were a magical ten days, and in that time, I got to see what an extraordinary guy he really was. 

He reminded me of still water; Quiet and placid on the surface, but filled with an enigmatic matrix of great depth that was inaccessible and hidden to most people.  However once I was able to dive below the surface,  I discovered so many wonderful things about him.  Not only is Tim easy going, fun, and cultured, but he is also both highly intelligent and extremely erudite.  He's a stellar swimmer and an impressive surfer.  He has strong, broad shoulders and a warm smile.  It was easy to talk to him and I was surprised by how many common interests we actually had.  

But what was most surprising of all was how easily I trusted him. 

Trust is not something I offer to many people.  I can count on one hand how many people I truly trust, and that number includes both my parents.  But for some reason, I intuitively knew that I could trust him.  And I really did.  There was just something about him that made me feel safe.... As a result, I completely open my heart to him, something I hadn't done in years.  

The day I left Hawaii, I put all my trust in the future..  I trusted that no matter what happened, each of our futures would lead us to where we needed to be; whether that meant together or apart.  I trusted that things would work out the way that they were supposed to.

And they did...  Just like they always do.  

So when I look at my Tim half dollar,  I remember to trust….not only  in people,  but also in my choices, and that things will always work out the way they are supposed to.  

And I think about how his vocabulary is more extensive than the Webster's Dictionary.

These four people have each left a handprint on my heart.  While we are all geographically in different corners of the world, I have made it a point to stay in touch with them as much as possible.   And I keep their half dollars in a safe place; they are all attached to my wall as a daily reminder... to keep strong and disciplined, to have conviction and passion, to maintain my faith and loyalty, and to trust.

And someday, maybe those dollars will be reattached and sent back out into the world.. and maybe, just maybe, they will be able to inspire someone else the way they've inspired me.  

  

The four special dollars that I keep on my wall.

With Chandler at a Mets Game, NYC

With Becca in Barcelona, Spain 

With Tim at the Navy Ball, Kauai, Hawaii

With Shannon at Boat Basin, NYC

   

If I Knew Then, What I Know Now...

*I dedicate this post to all my students, especially Kimmy LaVecchia, who reminds me so much of myself when I was her age.  I hope it inspires you to live every moment to it's fullest and to remember that when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you always dance. <3*

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a bit of a Peter Pan Complex.  

I just don't want to grow up.  

And I don't mean maturity wise (although I'll admit that I do sometimes act like I'm twelve).  But what I mean, is that I don't want to get any older.  

As someone who works in the entertainment industry, especially as a dancer, I am well aware of the consequences of aging. Growing up in the studio, I was brainwashed into thinking that 25 was old. 

So when people ask me my age, my impulsive reaction is to say "26".  Maybe it's because I don't really feel "my age," especially because I'm a bit "behind" my similarly aged peers who have mortgages, spouses, and children.  

And sometimes I really do feel like I'm only 26. I'm enjoying myself, living every moment to it's fullest and taking advantage of every opportunity that I'm given. I can date anyone I like. I can hop a plane and go to Spain on a moment's notice. I can live and work in NYC for a few months if I want to. I can travel to Hawaii and spend a week perfecting my tan and surfing in an aquamarine ocean. I have a job with such great flexibility that I can choose when and where I work. I can sit in my bed, eat ice cream and watch Sex and the City reruns all night long. I can move to any city in the world that I desire.  

The way I live my life makes me feel like I'm 26.  

But I'm not 26. And while on one hand, I admit that I do resent the fact that I am getting older and losing the youth I once took for granted, there's something to be said about the wisdom I've acquired and the lessons I've learned over the years.... Something that can only come with age and time.  

So as another birthday has come and gone, I thought it would be nice to compile my own personal Top 25 "If I knew then, what I know now" list. While I acknowledge that if I had actually known these things, I wouldn't be where I am today (therefore am glad that I didn't actually know them at the time). I also think that as I embark on a new decade, it's important to reflect and look back on the lessons that I've learned, and pass on that wisdom to others who are just beginning their own exciting journeys.  

If I knew then, what I know now....

1. I would never have stayed in a relationship out of obligation. This is a lose-lose for everyone involved. You aren't doing anyone (including yourself) any favors by staying in a relationship "because it's comfortable." It's not fair to them or you. Be with someone you can't get enough of.  Don't stay with anyone because you're afraid of being alone. Being single is wonderful and you will learn so much about yourself. Furthermore, you deserve to be with someone you truly love, and so do they. Never settle for anything less than butterflies.  
2. I would have worn more sunscreen. As someone who is part Italian, I have always been blessed with skin that tans like magic. One hour in the sun turns my skin six shades darker, and I never burn.  So I never really wore sunscreen. But the truth is, that while I may not have "wrinkles" just yet, I am definitely starting to see the results of years soaking up the sun… sans protection.  I hope my Italian Grandma Rose's fabulous genes were passed down to me, that's for sure!
3. I would have dated many different kinds of people. This goes back to the "relationship" comment. I wish I had taken the time to just "date" and not be so seriously involved in relationships. Date around; you have the rest of your life to be married. There's something so fun about trial and error, and your 20's are the times to experience that. Have torrid love affairs and love without fear of consequence.  
4. I would have studied abroad. This comment is a bit contradictory because I have actually travelled all over the world. I've performed in some of the most famous opera houses, theaters, and churches in Europe, and I've experienced many different cultures first hand. But I never actually studied abroad. I was always overseas for work or some random vacation. I wish I had stayed in one place long enough to really absorb the culture, learn in a foreign school, and have a torrid love affair with a random Italian man named Gio (once again, going back to #1). 
5. I wouldn't give up any of my dreams for anyone… nor would I listen to those who told me that I wasn't good enough. I have accomplished almost every one of my professional goals. But I am lucky that I did because for a while, I stopped following my dreams in order to help someone else accomplish theirs... and because mine didn't seem "good enough." No one should ever tell you how to live or what you should do with your career. Nor should anyone belittle your choices. It's your life… not theirs. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something. If you want it, make it happen. It's as simple as that.  
6. I would keep reminding myself that timing is everything, and everything happens for a reason. You can fight it all you want, but if something isn't meant to be, it won't be; there's nothing you can do about it. I can't tell you how many times, I've met the right man at the wrong time. Or how when one door closed, another one was able to open and did. Everything happens for a reason, even if you don't see it immediately. That was one of the greatest lessons I learned in my 20s: you have to trust that if it is right, it will find a way, because it always does, one way or another. This also applies to friendships, relationships, and career choices.  
7. I would remember that if what I had was made of pure matter, it would never spoil. I have experienced this COUNTLESS times.. And yet I'm still in awe when it happens, like when someone from my past resurfaces or an old career experience comes back and brings me to a new opportunity. Purity will never spoil… And if it wasn't pure, don't mourn it's death, celebrate it's life, and appreciate the time it was spent in yours. Learn the lesson it was there to teach you; nothing should ever be wasted. With that said, NEVER burn a bridge.. you never know when you'll need to cross it.  
8. I would have searched for the lessons rather than harped on the pain. There is a lesson in every win, loss and draw. Let feelings flow, but then let them go; try not to dwell on the emotion it evokes, but rather the lesson that it taught you. You will find that there is a lesson in everything.. sometimes, they're tough, but they'll always make you stronger. I spent more time in my 20's mourning the loss of a relationship, rather than enjoying the freedom that came with it… and I wasted a lot of time. Keep in mind that this too shall pass. There will come a time when you believe everything is finished; that will the beginning.
9.  I wouldn't regret anything. Every choice, mistake, and decision we make is made for a specific reason. Say how you feel. Never regret what you do… if it doesn't produce the outcome you wanted, learn from it and move on. Don't dwell. 
10. I would be more patient. Patience, Patience, Patience! I can't say it enough. And this is something I'm STILL working on. Don't rush - you'll miss out on the beautiful little details that make life so worthwhile. Remember that time will heal all wounds. And that things need to unfold in their own time, so you should do the same. Do things on your own time. Be accepting of how others do the same. Don't think that you need to have it all figured out by a certain time.  Don't let anyone tell you that you should be married or have children by a certain age… don't rush something that shouldn't be; it will lead you down a bad path.  It's like that old proverb:  slow and steady wins the race.
11. I would have made more mistakes. Don't get me wrong, I've made quite a few (and continue to make more as time goes on), but I always tell my students to make mistakes. Don't be afraid to fail. Experiment. Your 20's are the time to do that. See what works and what doesn't. Don't be afraid to fall down; you're still young, and you have plenty of time to get back up. We learn little from success, but much from failure.  
12. I would have enjoyed college more. I never really had "the college experience." Whether it was because I had a steady boyfriend, was always working, or constantly switching schools, I never really enjoyed college life; I just looked at it as a means to an end. I wish I had taken the time to really experience it and also enjoy the time when you're an adult but not yet living in the "adult world" just yet.  
13. I wouldn't have cared so much about what everyone else thought. Be you. Don't try to please others, and don't worry about what other people think.  Trust me, they are too wrapped up in their own lives to really care about what you're doing with yours. And if they do, screw em.  Like I said, it's your life, not theirs. In ten years, it won't matter.  
14. I would have done a better job of maintaining those special friendships. There will be tons of people who come into your life - some for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime.  Cherish them all, but learn how to identify who belongs in which category. Let go of the ones who are only supposed to be there briefly, and make sure you cultivate and nurture the relationships that are meant to last. Friendships takes work, and to have a friend, you must be a friend.  
15. I wouldn't have been such a Life-Know-It-All. You think you know it all. You think you have it all figured out. Trust me, you don't. You don't have a clue.  (Nor do I). 
16. I wouldn't have worried about the future or how fast time was going by. Just live in the moment. Don't harp on the fact that you're getting older, enjoy the age you're at. Absorb every feeling of happiness, sadness, anger, impatience, and pain. Those moments are the ones that will stay with you through the years. I can't tell you how many times I felt overwhelmed by happiness, but recognized that it wouldn't last, and because of that, it passed quickly without me fully enjoying it… Soak it in, because I promise it will not last. The drama in the moment is what makes life interesting. Embrace it.  
17. I would thought more long term, financially. Open an IRA. In your twenties, it's hard to think about long term planning because old age seems so far away. But it's important to at least start planning. Especially for someone like me who has worked in so many different jobs and therefore didn't have a 401K. Open up an IRA and throw in 100 bucks a month. You'll be amazed at how fast it matures and how much money you'll have by the time you retire.  
18. I would have been more vigilant of my credit. I don't have much credit card debt, but I somehow through the years I've managed to "miss" payments here and there. Oh and never share a credit card with anyone. Good credit is something that you should be able to benefit from during your 30's.  
19. I would have relaxed more and not taken things so seriously. Chill out. Don't take things so seriously. Things are really never as bad as they seem. (I promise that they really aren't.) 
20. I would have taken more risks. Never second guess yourself. Trust your instincts and take risks.  Do it every day. This goes along with making mistakes. Fall in love, work in a job that you normally wouldn't, become friends with someone who's different than you, move to a new city, tell people how you feel, never hold back, and always take the gamble - the payoff will always be worth it… even if you lose. In life, sometimes good things happen, and sometimes bad things happen. But if you do nothing, then nothing happens.  
21. I would have listened more to my parents. Listen to those who are older than you; they know things that you do not, and don't be ashamed to admit it when they're right… But here's the thing: it's important to hear them out, but don't always follow their advice.. sometimes, you have to learn lessons for yourself in order to truly benefit from them.  
22. I wouldn't have been so judgmental. Never judge a book by its cover. Some of the most fascinating (and wise) people I've ever met, were the ones I least expected it from. Talk to everyone you meet, and never be rude to anyone because you never know who you're talking to... or who's listening on the bar stool next to them. 
23. I wouldn't have tried to "plan my future" so much. You never know what life will bring, or what it will take away, so you can't really plan too far in advance. It's ok to not have everything figured out right now (in fact, it's wonderful). And while yes it's important to have some sort of tentative idea of where you want to go, I guarantee that things won't pan out as you planned.  Enjoy the detours; they will always lead you to where you belong (and usually provide you a beautiful view along the way).  
24. I would have embraced change. Life is all about progression. It's constantly changing, and so are we. You will be significantly different when you are 25 from when you were 20. And you will change even more from the time you're 25 to the time you turn 30. Don't try to resist the change... embrace it; it's a beautiful thing. Especially because you'll change for the better.  You'll figure out who you are, and when you get there, you can truly enjoy it. You'll laugh at who you used to be and how naive you really were. 
25. I would have taken advantage of every opportunity offered to me. TRY EVERYTHING! Find out what you love to do and do it. Each opportunity leads to another. Never let fear prevent you from taking advantage of every opportunity that comes your way, even if it's not the "dream opportunity" you think you're waiting for. You never know what life will hand you. This goes hand in hand with taking risks.. And it's part of living. Always take the road less traveled, and eat life up as much as you can because it truly is delicious.  

And it really is. I always try to remind myself that life is for living... and we only get one chance. So as I embark on a new decade of my life, I look forward to seeing what incredible lessons, opportunities, and experiences await me. Especially the new "If I knew then, what I know now" -isms I will learn.  

Because that's what life is all about.  And after all, life is beautiful... even in old age.