If I Knew Then, What I Know Now...

*I dedicate this post to all my students, especially Kimmy LaVecchia, who reminds me so much of myself when I was her age.  I hope it inspires you to live every moment to it's fullest and to remember that when you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you always dance. <3*

Anyone who knows me, knows that I have a bit of a Peter Pan Complex.  

I just don't want to grow up.  

And I don't mean maturity wise (although I'll admit that I do sometimes act like I'm twelve).  But what I mean, is that I don't want to get any older.  

As someone who works in the entertainment industry, especially as a dancer, I am well aware of the consequences of aging. Growing up in the studio, I was brainwashed into thinking that 25 was old. 

So when people ask me my age, my impulsive reaction is to say "26".  Maybe it's because I don't really feel "my age," especially because I'm a bit "behind" my similarly aged peers who have mortgages, spouses, and children.  

And sometimes I really do feel like I'm only 26. I'm enjoying myself, living every moment to it's fullest and taking advantage of every opportunity that I'm given. I can date anyone I like. I can hop a plane and go to Spain on a moment's notice. I can live and work in NYC for a few months if I want to. I can travel to Hawaii and spend a week perfecting my tan and surfing in an aquamarine ocean. I have a job with such great flexibility that I can choose when and where I work. I can sit in my bed, eat ice cream and watch Sex and the City reruns all night long. I can move to any city in the world that I desire.  

The way I live my life makes me feel like I'm 26.  

But I'm not 26. And while on one hand, I admit that I do resent the fact that I am getting older and losing the youth I once took for granted, there's something to be said about the wisdom I've acquired and the lessons I've learned over the years.... Something that can only come with age and time.  

So as another birthday has come and gone, I thought it would be nice to compile my own personal Top 25 "If I knew then, what I know now" list. While I acknowledge that if I had actually known these things, I wouldn't be where I am today (therefore am glad that I didn't actually know them at the time). I also think that as I embark on a new decade, it's important to reflect and look back on the lessons that I've learned, and pass on that wisdom to others who are just beginning their own exciting journeys.  

If I knew then, what I know now....

1. I would never have stayed in a relationship out of obligation. This is a lose-lose for everyone involved. You aren't doing anyone (including yourself) any favors by staying in a relationship "because it's comfortable." It's not fair to them or you. Be with someone you can't get enough of.  Don't stay with anyone because you're afraid of being alone. Being single is wonderful and you will learn so much about yourself. Furthermore, you deserve to be with someone you truly love, and so do they. Never settle for anything less than butterflies.  
2. I would have worn more sunscreen. As someone who is part Italian, I have always been blessed with skin that tans like magic. One hour in the sun turns my skin six shades darker, and I never burn.  So I never really wore sunscreen. But the truth is, that while I may not have "wrinkles" just yet, I am definitely starting to see the results of years soaking up the sun… sans protection.  I hope my Italian Grandma Rose's fabulous genes were passed down to me, that's for sure!
3. I would have dated many different kinds of people. This goes back to the "relationship" comment. I wish I had taken the time to just "date" and not be so seriously involved in relationships. Date around; you have the rest of your life to be married. There's something so fun about trial and error, and your 20's are the times to experience that. Have torrid love affairs and love without fear of consequence.  
4. I would have studied abroad. This comment is a bit contradictory because I have actually travelled all over the world. I've performed in some of the most famous opera houses, theaters, and churches in Europe, and I've experienced many different cultures first hand. But I never actually studied abroad. I was always overseas for work or some random vacation. I wish I had stayed in one place long enough to really absorb the culture, learn in a foreign school, and have a torrid love affair with a random Italian man named Gio (once again, going back to #1). 
5. I wouldn't give up any of my dreams for anyone… nor would I listen to those who told me that I wasn't good enough. I have accomplished almost every one of my professional goals. But I am lucky that I did because for a while, I stopped following my dreams in order to help someone else accomplish theirs... and because mine didn't seem "good enough." No one should ever tell you how to live or what you should do with your career. Nor should anyone belittle your choices. It's your life… not theirs. Don't let anyone tell you that you can't do something. If you want it, make it happen. It's as simple as that.  
6. I would keep reminding myself that timing is everything, and everything happens for a reason. You can fight it all you want, but if something isn't meant to be, it won't be; there's nothing you can do about it. I can't tell you how many times, I've met the right man at the wrong time. Or how when one door closed, another one was able to open and did. Everything happens for a reason, even if you don't see it immediately. That was one of the greatest lessons I learned in my 20s: you have to trust that if it is right, it will find a way, because it always does, one way or another. This also applies to friendships, relationships, and career choices.  
7. I would remember that if what I had was made of pure matter, it would never spoil. I have experienced this COUNTLESS times.. And yet I'm still in awe when it happens, like when someone from my past resurfaces or an old career experience comes back and brings me to a new opportunity. Purity will never spoil… And if it wasn't pure, don't mourn it's death, celebrate it's life, and appreciate the time it was spent in yours. Learn the lesson it was there to teach you; nothing should ever be wasted. With that said, NEVER burn a bridge.. you never know when you'll need to cross it.  
8. I would have searched for the lessons rather than harped on the pain. There is a lesson in every win, loss and draw. Let feelings flow, but then let them go; try not to dwell on the emotion it evokes, but rather the lesson that it taught you. You will find that there is a lesson in everything.. sometimes, they're tough, but they'll always make you stronger. I spent more time in my 20's mourning the loss of a relationship, rather than enjoying the freedom that came with it… and I wasted a lot of time. Keep in mind that this too shall pass. There will come a time when you believe everything is finished; that will the beginning.
9.  I wouldn't regret anything. Every choice, mistake, and decision we make is made for a specific reason. Say how you feel. Never regret what you do… if it doesn't produce the outcome you wanted, learn from it and move on. Don't dwell. 
10. I would be more patient. Patience, Patience, Patience! I can't say it enough. And this is something I'm STILL working on. Don't rush - you'll miss out on the beautiful little details that make life so worthwhile. Remember that time will heal all wounds. And that things need to unfold in their own time, so you should do the same. Do things on your own time. Be accepting of how others do the same. Don't think that you need to have it all figured out by a certain time.  Don't let anyone tell you that you should be married or have children by a certain age… don't rush something that shouldn't be; it will lead you down a bad path.  It's like that old proverb:  slow and steady wins the race.
11. I would have made more mistakes. Don't get me wrong, I've made quite a few (and continue to make more as time goes on), but I always tell my students to make mistakes. Don't be afraid to fail. Experiment. Your 20's are the time to do that. See what works and what doesn't. Don't be afraid to fall down; you're still young, and you have plenty of time to get back up. We learn little from success, but much from failure.  
12. I would have enjoyed college more. I never really had "the college experience." Whether it was because I had a steady boyfriend, was always working, or constantly switching schools, I never really enjoyed college life; I just looked at it as a means to an end. I wish I had taken the time to really experience it and also enjoy the time when you're an adult but not yet living in the "adult world" just yet.  
13. I wouldn't have cared so much about what everyone else thought. Be you. Don't try to please others, and don't worry about what other people think.  Trust me, they are too wrapped up in their own lives to really care about what you're doing with yours. And if they do, screw em.  Like I said, it's your life, not theirs. In ten years, it won't matter.  
14. I would have done a better job of maintaining those special friendships. There will be tons of people who come into your life - some for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime.  Cherish them all, but learn how to identify who belongs in which category. Let go of the ones who are only supposed to be there briefly, and make sure you cultivate and nurture the relationships that are meant to last. Friendships takes work, and to have a friend, you must be a friend.  
15. I wouldn't have been such a Life-Know-It-All. You think you know it all. You think you have it all figured out. Trust me, you don't. You don't have a clue.  (Nor do I). 
16. I wouldn't have worried about the future or how fast time was going by. Just live in the moment. Don't harp on the fact that you're getting older, enjoy the age you're at. Absorb every feeling of happiness, sadness, anger, impatience, and pain. Those moments are the ones that will stay with you through the years. I can't tell you how many times I felt overwhelmed by happiness, but recognized that it wouldn't last, and because of that, it passed quickly without me fully enjoying it… Soak it in, because I promise it will not last. The drama in the moment is what makes life interesting. Embrace it.  
17. I would thought more long term, financially. Open an IRA. In your twenties, it's hard to think about long term planning because old age seems so far away. But it's important to at least start planning. Especially for someone like me who has worked in so many different jobs and therefore didn't have a 401K. Open up an IRA and throw in 100 bucks a month. You'll be amazed at how fast it matures and how much money you'll have by the time you retire.  
18. I would have been more vigilant of my credit. I don't have much credit card debt, but I somehow through the years I've managed to "miss" payments here and there. Oh and never share a credit card with anyone. Good credit is something that you should be able to benefit from during your 30's.  
19. I would have relaxed more and not taken things so seriously. Chill out. Don't take things so seriously. Things are really never as bad as they seem. (I promise that they really aren't.) 
20. I would have taken more risks. Never second guess yourself. Trust your instincts and take risks.  Do it every day. This goes along with making mistakes. Fall in love, work in a job that you normally wouldn't, become friends with someone who's different than you, move to a new city, tell people how you feel, never hold back, and always take the gamble - the payoff will always be worth it… even if you lose. In life, sometimes good things happen, and sometimes bad things happen. But if you do nothing, then nothing happens.  
21. I would have listened more to my parents. Listen to those who are older than you; they know things that you do not, and don't be ashamed to admit it when they're right… But here's the thing: it's important to hear them out, but don't always follow their advice.. sometimes, you have to learn lessons for yourself in order to truly benefit from them.  
22. I wouldn't have been so judgmental. Never judge a book by its cover. Some of the most fascinating (and wise) people I've ever met, were the ones I least expected it from. Talk to everyone you meet, and never be rude to anyone because you never know who you're talking to... or who's listening on the bar stool next to them. 
23. I wouldn't have tried to "plan my future" so much. You never know what life will bring, or what it will take away, so you can't really plan too far in advance. It's ok to not have everything figured out right now (in fact, it's wonderful). And while yes it's important to have some sort of tentative idea of where you want to go, I guarantee that things won't pan out as you planned.  Enjoy the detours; they will always lead you to where you belong (and usually provide you a beautiful view along the way).  
24. I would have embraced change. Life is all about progression. It's constantly changing, and so are we. You will be significantly different when you are 25 from when you were 20. And you will change even more from the time you're 25 to the time you turn 30. Don't try to resist the change... embrace it; it's a beautiful thing. Especially because you'll change for the better.  You'll figure out who you are, and when you get there, you can truly enjoy it. You'll laugh at who you used to be and how naive you really were. 
25. I would have taken advantage of every opportunity offered to me. TRY EVERYTHING! Find out what you love to do and do it. Each opportunity leads to another. Never let fear prevent you from taking advantage of every opportunity that comes your way, even if it's not the "dream opportunity" you think you're waiting for. You never know what life will hand you. This goes hand in hand with taking risks.. And it's part of living. Always take the road less traveled, and eat life up as much as you can because it truly is delicious.  

And it really is. I always try to remind myself that life is for living... and we only get one chance. So as I embark on a new decade of my life, I look forward to seeing what incredible lessons, opportunities, and experiences await me. Especially the new "If I knew then, what I know now" -isms I will learn.  

Because that's what life is all about.  And after all, life is beautiful... even in old age.