Survey Says...

Thanks to the new Facebook format, I found a "Note" that I had totally forgotten about.  It was originally posted on April 2, 2009 (Four years ago).  It was one of those "surveys" that we all used to fill out in the old days.  I have to admit, it was a lot of fun to look back at how I felt about certain things.  I actually laughed out loud at my silly naivety when I read it… It's amazing how some things have changed over the years...

And also how some things have not.   

So I decided that it would be a fun exercise in self-reflection to fill it out again and see how contrasting those answers would be nowadays...  And because this is a blog about my adventures from NYC to LA, I thought it might be interesting to see how my life has changed from the time I lived in NYC to how life in LA is now.  

It was written at the end of my last year of graduate school at Columbia.. I remember that I was overwhelmed with work as a student teacher at La Guardia, my own academic classes, thesis writing, dance training, competitions, and also trying to keep up with the crazy social life that I had at the time.  I was literally running from dawn to dawn.  Back then, I had stamina and passion.  I was so fresh eyed about the future... I thought my life would go in a completely different direction than it actually did.  

It was blissful ignorance.  

Looking back, these "surveys" were so silly and narcissistic.... But they sure were fun to fill out at 2 am when you couldn't sleep.    :)

I have left my "NYC answer" first.. then bolded my present answer for life in LA.

The Ultimate Survey:

1. Last beverage→ Green Tea.. gotta love the green diet.  Water, no ice.  I now drink like a European.

2. Last phone call→ Becca.   Becca (The same Becca.. my dear sweet best friend Becca)

3. Last text message→ Arthur.  Jake (One of the things that have changed for the worse is that Arthur, my old ballroom partner, actually just passed away last week… I would give anything to get a text from him now).   

4. Last song you listened to→ The scrubs theme song - it's on tv.  Viva la Vida (by Coldplay).

5. Last time you cried?—oh god, yesterday, but it was for a good reason and everything is fine now.... kinda. Last week when I found out about Arthur's passing.  

SIX HAVE YOU EVER:

1. Dated someone twice → no.  No.  I still have never done that… But I'm in awe (and a bit jealous) of people who do.  I've always wondered what a second chance at a relationship would be like… if things would really change or not.  

2. Been cheated on? → yes.   Yes.  (This is the same answer,  about the same person).  He remains to be the only person (I know of) who has cheated on me.  

3. Kissed someone & regretted it? → no, why would I regret it? You must remember this, a kiss is just a kiss.. Casablanca. great movie. I should watch it the next time I have two hours free.. maybe in May?  Nah, I don't regret much.  I can think of a few frogs I've kissed who I'd like to forget about, but none that I really regret.  

4. Lost someone special?→ yes.  Yes.  Too many special people have been lost. 

5. Felt depressed?→ yes, and if you knew me last April and are still friends with me today, you deserve a medal and a big drink (or a bag of doritos... your choice).  That "last April" was a very dark time.... a life shattering break up.  But to answer this in present times, I would say, yes.  When I first moved to LA, I went from homesick, to sad, to depressed very quickly.. My first year here was a really rough year.  I definitely felt depressed. 

6. Been drunk and threw up? → yes, only three times... twice was in the Waldorf Astoria lobby (poor boyfriend spent 500 dollars on a hotel room TWICE just to have me spend both nights in the bathroom) and the other was when someone "roofied" me over the summer. I was sick for daaaays.  Oh my gosh, I had forgotten about the Waldorf times.. and since then, I think I've only gotten sick three or four additional times.  One was in Paris, another was in NYC the night before Thanksgiving a few years back, and another was over the holidays in NYC right after Christmas.  I'm getting old and clearly can't hold my liquor… or wine.  

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:

Dara blue

Green

Pink

Yellow

I still agree with this.   I wear a lot more pink now.  

HAVE YOU:

1. Made new friends → Yes and I am so blessed that they have come into my life! Besides, i talk to everyone and anyone.. as a wise friend once said "you could charm a chair" ;) Yes.  And I'm continued to be blessed.  I like to make new friends.  There are so many interesting people in the world, why not get to know them, and learn something new?

2. Fallen out of love → no... but I've been forced out it.  I guess this still remains true.  

3. Laughed until you cried → yes. And then I peed in my pants. And then the show went on with a puddle on stage. Ohhhh middle school was a rough time.  Yes, yesterday actually.  I hadn't laughed that hard in a LONG time.  It was the most incredible conversation about otters that I've ever had.  

4. Met someone who changed you → yes for both the better and the worse.  Yes.  Absolutely yes.  I can only think of two people in the last four years who have done this… but they flipped my world upside down.  

5. Found out who your true friends were → yes and I don't know where I would be without them.. I love them all so very much.  As time goes on, I keep discovering this…  

6. Found out someone was talking about you → yes, but I am sure it was alll good things ;)  Yes, and in my industry, that's always a good thing.  What do they say? There is no such thing as bad publicity.  

7. Kissed anyone on your friend's list→ I don't believe so. unless you count the european double cheek kiss..  I have no idea what this means…. i'm assuming the friend who "tagged me".  Probably not...

8. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life → 90 percent?  70 Percent?

9. How many kids do you want to have→ At least two.. a ballerina and a ball player. Just like me and my brother.  I still agree with this statement.  I really hope I have one of each.  

10. Do you have any pets →  I do not.  But I want a dog so badly and I wish to name it Maximus.   Yes!! A beautiful sharpei-shepherd mix named Bella Bambina aka Moose, Goose, Smoosh, and Mooses Gooses.  I wanted to name her Maxi after Maximus, but I thought that would confuse her.  She's definitely a lady.  

11. Do you want to change your name→ no, I like my name. I have a stage name that I do not use anymore so I guess it was good to change that back to my real name.   Nope.  I still like it.  

12. What did you do for your last birthday→ had the most amazing night when 110 of my dear friends came to celebrate at Mannahatta ( and my favorite jersey friends and family came to Tao for dinner as well!) It was a night to remember!!!  This year was another wonderful birthday and was eerily similar to the one I'm referring to in this first answer… Dinner at my favorite restaurant in LA (Bottega Louie) with my favorite people, and then Kim and I had our big annual birthday bash at Boulevard3 in Hollywood.  It was an awesome night.  

13. What time did you wake up today→ 6: 00 am Why am I still awake? Excedrine Migraine is a powerful drug.  9:30 am.  I rolled out of bed and walked about forty-five steps to the beach.  

14. What were you doing at midnight last night→ For once... i was actually not at dance rehearsal.. i was home in my bed.. actually spending quality time with it considering I only spend about 10 hours a week in it.   For once, not in rehearsal lol.  That hasn't changed at all.  I was actually drinking some Jameson in San Diego with my friends, Steamboat and Anthony.

15. Name something you can't wait for → Miami, graduation, getting a job, having a job, being a normal person again with a life when grad school is finally over…  Wow, back then I had so much to look forward to… Life still hadn't begun.  Now? I honestly don't know.  I guess I'm pretty content in the present.  All those things happened.  I'm not really waiting for anything that direly right now.  I guess if I had to pick something, I think I truly look forward to falling in love again.  It's been awhile... I think it's time to let the wall down, and let someone in.  

16. Last time you saw your dad→ ohh it was awhile ago. I miss the old man. :(  About three months :( I still miss the old man.  

17. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life? my student loan debt. I am in as much debt as a doctor…  I honestly don't know…. As I get older, I've stopped wishing for things.   According to the universe, my life is just as it should be.  Sometimes, my mind wanders over to the land of what might have been and I wonder what it would be like to have  a real 9-5 office job, with a house, a husband, and children.  But then I snap back to reality and feel grateful for the life I do have, and how cool it is that I can just up and leave and head out of the country for a few months to dance around the world.  And then make a two month stop back  in NYC for the summer.  It's pretty cool.  So I guess the student loan debt is still a good one.  Aside from my dog, it's the biggest commitment I have.  

18. What are you listening to right now → Dr. Cox ranting at JD. God I love scrubs… Coldplay.

19. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom → yes. This is a random question. Why tom? I know lots of Toms actually. Tom's, Dick's and Harry's. Actually I don't know any Dick's. Unless you count the jerk off's I've met in past. Does that count? Wait, I do know a Rich and the name "Richard" could technically be "Dick" but he's really nice so lets just call him Rich. Rich is great. Looking forward to seeing him tomorrow night actually.  I must have been deliriously tired when I wrote this first response.    And I still know a lot of Dicks.  That hasn't changed.  

20. Ever been stood up → yes actually. My perfect record was broken this year. But I'm not afraid to laugh about it. Life is too short to be mad. I actually haven't been stood up since that incident.  And the guy who stood me up is still a friend of mine.  

21. What's getting on your nerves right now → We'll leave it at the fact I am wide awake and need to go sleep.  Rude and fake people.  I've grown very intolerant of rude and fake people.  

22. Forgive or Forget → I forgive very easily.. too easily.. but I never EVER forget…. This remains half true.  As I've gotten older, it gets harder to forgive.  However, I still never forget…. although I truly wish I could.  

23. As a child, what did you want to be when you grew up → A dancer (I saw the wizard of oz and it changed my life).  A dancer.  I'm way grown up and am still dancing.  I guess that was a success wasn't it?

24. Most visited web page → gmail.  It's a tie between Gmail and imdb.com.  

25. A memory you wish you could erase →  Being cheated on.  I don't even think I would erase that now... it taught me a lot.  But there is now definitely something that I would love to erase from my memory.  It happened the night of the royal wedding in 2011 and it was probably the worst experience of my life.  I would love to erase that night.  

26. Any major regrets? →  Spending the last seven years in a relationship?  Moving to Philadelphia? Quitting my dance job for a man? I have a lot of regrets.   Wow, that was a harsh answer.  I was clearly bitter about something.  As of the present, I don't have many major regrets.  I've learned to accept the decisions I've made and the things that have happened (which is not easy).  But there are a few mistakes I've made that I wish I had not over the last four years.  Like opening my big fat mouth when I should have kept it closed.... or acting on impulse rather than thinking things out and being patient.  I can't help it.. I'm an east coaster.  We move fast and aggressively.  

1. What's your name→ It depends which documentation you look at.  My SAG card says Daralina Komar.  My License says Dara Komar.  

2. Nicknames→ D, Dara, Komes.  D.  Everyone in LA calls me "D".  

3. Relationship Status → For the first time in 7 years.. I am Single and Fabulous; Exclamation Point. Whew... glad I got that off my chest… Back then, that question was so simple to answer.  Now,  it's so much more complicated .  Back then you were either single or in a relationship.. now it's "Seeing someone", "Dating", "talking to", etc.  I don't even know what level I'm at.  All I know is that I've got terrible instincts when it comes to relationships.  That hasn't changed in four years.  

4. Zodiac sign → Pisces.. I am the biggest fish you'll ever meet.  I still am a mushy gushy pisces.  

5. Male or female or transgendered → Female.  What?

6. Elementary→ Deerfield School #9

7. Middle School → Readington Middle

8. High school → Hunterdon Central

10. Hair color → Brunette Brunette with a few silver unicorn hairs.  I call it my garden of wisdom.  

11. Long or short → long and its due to be cut.  Long and it's due to be cut.  

16. Height/weight → 5'10 baby!  I probably weigh about 140 lbs.  Nowadays, I lie about my height and weight… In Hollywood, you always round down - with everything.  I tell people I'm 5'9.  But I'm really 5'10.  The height question is a lot like the age question.  I don't even know what "LA age" I am anymore.  The internet says 28.  And weight? HA. Well my license says I weigh 135.  Apparently, I weighed myself that day without any of my internal organs.  Or shoes.  

17. Do you have a crush on someone? → do I? I don't know. Not really... Well, let's say I'm mildly curious. I don't know. im too busy to have a crush and I'm too busy to be chasing people around. if someone wants go out, fine. Pick up the phone and call. Honestly, are there any "men" left???  I like that original answer.   But to answer it presently, let's just say someone from my past has resurfaced, and it's being explored.  

18: What do you like about yourself? I don't know i haven't really thought about it. Maybe that I'm passionate about everything I do? This answer is interesting to me…and it hasn't really changed except that now, it's additionally something that I don't like about myself. Caring too much has  gotten me in a lot of trouble over the years.

19. Ever sleep in the same bed as someone of the opposite sex → I lived with my significant other, so yes. What a lame question. Obviously designed for younger people. Not oldsters like me.  I'm not even going to answer this one.  I still think it's a stupid question.  

20. Favorite Quote → I have a lot but i think one of my favorites is "sometimes you just can't hold back the river" and my other is "If what one has is made of pure matter, then you can always go back to it and it will never spoil; but if what you had was only the explosion of a star, you will find nothing upon your return". Gotta love the Alchemist.. Maktub. ;)  These are STILL my favorite quotes.  It was comforting to read this.  Maktub. 

21. Righty or lefty → Righty but oddly enough, everything I do better is on the left... I can turn better on left and am more flexible on the left and can kick higher on the left.. i think i should be a lefty but evil elementary school teachers made me righty.  It's true.  I am still more dominant on my left side.  It makes my dance partner crazy. 

FIRSTS : These can't really change, can they?

22. First surgery → Third grade tonsilecomy? 

23. First piercing → Ear

24. First best friend(s) → Kelly

26. First sport you joined → softball and I was terrible at it. 

27. First pet → a dog named bucky. 

28. First vacation → I don't recall. 

29. First concert → Billy Joel at the Garden... I was in a new york state of mind...

30. First crush → Dave Aragon.. sigh... be still my beating heart.

RIGHT NOW:

49. Eating → nothing - oh god what I wouldn't give for a pizza bite or burger... i can't wait to start eating again in May. HA.  This hasn't changed either.  I'm back on that damn green diet; the same one I was on all those years ago.  

50. Drinking → green tea.  Water.  

51. Recall something you're proud of → Getting into Columbia? Dancing on Gossip Girl? Dancing at Madison Square Garden? Dancing on the Radio City stage? Getting into Harvard? (even though I didn't go), my family? my friends? Life? I don't know. I am proud of a lot.  Wow I was proud of a lot back then.  I suppose I am still proud of a lot, those things included.  But I'm also ashamed of a few things.  I guess that's what life is about though, isn't it?  I guess if I had to pick something new, I would say I am proud that I moved to LA with NOTHING and literally created a wonderful life for myself; all from scratch.  

52. I'm about to → hopefully sleep?  Pop a sleeping pill and go to bed.  

53. Listening to → for the third time... Scrubs! For the third time, Coldplay.  

55. Waiting for →myself to be tired. i am so screwed up with my sleep habits.  These lovely magic little blue pills to kick in.  

YOUR FUTURE :

58. Want kids? → yes very much so.   I still feel this way.  

59. Want to get married? → yes when the time is right.  I still feel this way.  

60. Careers in mind? → i've had several careers and I think that they have each suited me for the time I was involved in them. Next step? Education.  HA! If I only knew back then what would happen in the next few years…. Well I'm back into the dance career with education threaded within it.  Boy I was wrong when I thought I was going to be a teacher.  I'm amazed at how things work out.  

RANDOM: 

61. Ever live with a girlfriend/boyfriend → Yes.  Yes.  

62. Ever live alone → Yes, right now and its faaaabulous.  Yes, back in NYC.  

63. Favorite alcoholic drink → Fresh Strawberries and Champagne.  Still the same.  I love a good glass of Moet Nectar with strawberries. 

64. Favorite Food → Anything Potatoes and Bread and Cheese and I could eat pizza every day for the rest of my life. Still the same.  And I really could eat pizza every day for the rest of my life.  And/or Potatoes and Cheese. This hasn't changed sine i was 10 years old.  

65. Ever been on TV → Yes I was on Gossip Girl and in a Nike Ad promo.  I had totally forgotten about that Nike Promo… But yes, I have been on TV a lot more since then.  Check my IMDB Page if you really care haha.  

66. Current Job → Graduate Student. Its a full time job.  Dancer/Tutor.  

67. Favorite thing you did today → Grade papers in Central Park. It was a beautiful day for grading.  I surfed in the Pacific.  (Wow what a difference that one was.)

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?

68. Lips or eyes → eyes... always been a sucker for eyes.  ...And I always will be.  There's nothing like gazing into someone else's eyes.. in my opinion, it's one of the most intimate things that two people can do together. 

69. Hugs or kisses → hugs are wonderful however a kiss is equally important because the chemistry has to be there. Anyone can give a good hug. I still believe this. 

70. Blonde or brunette → I don't really care, but I'm privy to brunettes.  I still don't really care.  

71. Older or Younger → ah jeez, the youngins are too flaky and the older ones are too pursuant. And I've done the "same age as me" thing too.. and well that was a big disaster. So I dont know. I know 23 year olds who act 40 and 40 year olds who act 23. Age means nothing. Maturity means everything.  I was wise to write this back then.  It still remains true. 

72. Romantic or spontaneous → romantically spontaneous. You gotta be up for an adventure and if you're with me.. you bet your ass you'll be on one!  I like this answer.  I think it still fits.

73. Nice stomach or nice arms → nice arms to give nice embraces.   I still agree.  I love strong arms.  

74. Sensitive or loud → Well both. i am both sensitive AND loud. its possible.  I still am both.  

75. Hook-up or relationship → there is a time and a place for both, but I'm more of a relationship person.   This remains true.  

76. Text or Talk → I'm guillty of this.. but I loate having text message "conversations". if you want to talk just pick up the damn phone and call me! I might not be able to answer, but I promise to call you back . Texting is great for quick messages or quick convos but not a whole discussion!  I STILL think this way.  Technology is killing everyone's social skills.  

77. Trouble maker or hesitant → ahhh i want a real man... a trouble maker who stays out of trouble.  Addendum: I want a man who can defend me if need be, but never provoke the fight.  

HAVE YOU EVER :

78. Kissed a stranger → yes.  yes. 

79. Drank hard liquor → yes. yes.

80. Lost glasses/contacts - yes.  yes. 

81. Sex on first date → no.  Define, "date"?

82. Broken someone's heart → Yes, and it was one of the best things that could have happened to him.   Wow that was so optimistic and arrogant of me to write back then….I like to think that I haven't done this since then, but then again, I'm not sure.  

83. Had your own heart broken→ yes, but it was one of the best things that could have happened to me.  Once again, how naively optimistic I was!  I'm not sure what I was thinking because that heart break left a lot of residual smoke that still hasn't cleared.  But I guess if that had never happened, I wouldn't be where I am now.  But since then in the past four years? Yes, I have had my heart broken again.  But it was an important lesson I had to learn (And it never would have worked out anyway).  

84. Been to Hawaii → Yes in 2006, and it was the best trip of my life. I will never deny that.  Four years later, I actually do deny that and here's why: I went back to Hawaii in 2012 and believe it or not, this more recent trip was even better than the first one.  The only difference is that this was an impromptu trip that was filled with spontaneity and unexpected adventure and romance.   It was not planned, but ended up being one of the best trips of my life.  

85. Been arrested → does accidentally "stealing sunglasses" count? Or joking around about being a prostitute in a hotel at 2 am count? If not, then I guess technically, no.   As of 2013? Still technically, no.  But I have been in trouble with a law a few times.  There's been a warrant out for my arrest, and I was once escorted out of the bar I worked at by a gaggle of police officers.  That story should be my next blog.  

86. Turned someone down → yes, I'm picky.  I am still picky.  

87. Cried when someone died → yes, of course.  I cry over Walmart commercials, what do you think?

88. Liked a friend that is a girl/guy? – no I di did, they wouldn't be my friends.  Yes.  

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

89. Yourself → yes I do. Well, I am really good at pretending I do.  

90. Staying close with your ex→ oh here's a million dollar question. i think it depends on the reason for the break up and how bad it was.  This is still a million dollar question.  And all these years later, I STILL don't know if you should, or even can. But as I get older,  I'm leaning towards no.  Maybe after a certain amount of time has passed, it's ok.  

90. Miracles → yes, and they happen every day whether we notice or not…  Sure, why not?

91. Love at first sight → No. I used to, i really used to. But I believe in connection at first sight. Love is developed and cultivated. It takes work dammit, but a connection is either there or not.  I still believe this answer.  

92. Heaven → yes some form of it.  Yes.  

93. Santa Claus → yes, i saw mommy kissing him. I truly wish I still did.  LIfe was so much simpler back then.  

94. Magic → In a young girl's heart. I also believe in Puff. He's magic. Or Ben Vreen singing "We've got magic to do". I love Pippin. That musical changed my life.  I must have REALLY been delirious when I wrote these first answers.  

95. Kiss on the first date? → why not? you might as well figure out if you have chemistry or not.  Yes.  

96. Angels → yes, i have about a dozen of them. They keep me out of major trouble and I really and truly believe that.   My Angels are STILL as hardworking as they were all those years ago.   I try to give them breaks when I can.  

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:

97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? → Yes.  

98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? → no, thats what cheaters do.   No, I don't believe in juggling.  I like to give my all to the person I'm with.    

99. Want a boyfriend/girlfriend→ If its meant to be, then fine. If not, then fine. I'm content with either right now.   I like this answer, but I don't know if I could handle a real "relationship" right now.  It'd have to be a really easy going and flexible guy.  My life is all over the place.  Or maybe the relationship would push me to slow down and start to settle.  I'm not sure.  

100. Posting this as 100 Truths? → what a stupid question. And four years later,  it still is.  

When Jersey "Met" Cali

To Cali: My California Angel, and the only man who can truly drive me crazy.  

They say that certain people come into your life for a reason, a season, or a lifetime.  

Matt, a.k.a Cali, came into my life for all three. 

It all began one idle weeknight during my first year of college, oh so many years ago.  

I was sitting at my computer, staring at a blank word document, trying to will an english paper to write itself, when an AOL Instant Message box popped up on my screen.  It was from a name I didn't recognize, but being a freshman in college, and  living in a dorm, that was no surprise.  People were always randomly im-ing me, getting my name from mutual friends.  

The message was simple.  It said, "Hey, are you going to the party tonight?"

I was intrigued.  I hadn't heard about any party, but who was I to turn down an invitation?

I replied back, "No, but where is this fabulous party happening?"

When the next message named a fraternity house that my school didn't have, I realized that the message must have been sent by error.  I explained this to the mysterious messenger.  It turned out that he was trying to reach his friend who had a screen-name that was one letter off from mine.  

Oops. 

I also found out that the mysterious messenger's name was Matt, and that he was a sophomore at Loyola Marymount University, a school in Los Angeles, California…. clear across the country.  And his fraternity was having a party that night.

So we talked for a few minutes, laughed about the mistake and said goodnight.  

A few days later, we started randomly chatting again.   Over time, Matt and I became friends.  Instant messages turned into marathon conversations and long emails.   I called him Cali, he called me Jersey.   Then we started talking on the phone. 

Everyone thought I was crazy.  

"What if he's really a 45 year old stalker?" "What if he's a murderer?"

But for some reason, those ideas never crossed my mind; Cali was great!  He always had good advice about guys, and he was really fun to talk to.  We exchanged photos. We had heart to heart chats and talked about everything.   I didn't have any friends on the west coast so it was interesting to learn about how college kids in California lived.   I could tell him anything; it was like having a safe and trustworthy confidant who didn't know anyone I was talking about and therefore wouldn't go blabbing my secrets to anyone.  

It was awesome.

The following autumn,  I became seriously involved in a new relationship..  So did he.  We would send each other occasional updates, but as time went on our friendship simmered down a bit as we became busy in our own individual lives.  We maintained sporadic communication but it wasn't the same.  Eventually it just fizzled out.  

I guess you could say that this was the first season that Cali came into my life.  

Fast forward six years.  I was living down by Philadelphia.  My boyfriend and I had just broken up.  While cleaning out my email one day, I found an old email from Cali.   I decided to email him to see if he remembered me.  I was desperate to talk to someone who wasn't involved in my present life and could pose as a link to my past.  

He emailed me back about five minutes later, from a LA Lakers game.  Of course he remembered me!  We decided to talk on the phone the next day to catch up. 

And catch up we did.  We talked for hours.  I told him what was going on and it turned out that he was going through a very similar situation.  It was so wonderful to talk to him again.  We instantly reconnected and started talking regularly.  

His friendship and support were a huge part of my recovery from that break up, and I was very grateful for his presence back in my life again, even if just from a virtual plateau.   

Over the next year, I moved back to New York City, and eventually once again our friendship started to simmer down as we each got caught up in our new lives.  

This was Cali's second season in my life.  

The next year, I moved to Los Angeles, a city where I only really knew three people: Ryan (an old "friend" from New York), Kimberly, (a girl I met at a party in NYC and spent a collective 5 four days with), and Cali (a guy who I only knew through the internet).  

Kim ended up being my roommate, Ryan ended up leaving me stranded in a parking lot (twice), and Cali ended up living about 15 minutes away from me.  

I called him to let him know I had moved to LA, and we decided that the time had finally come to meet in person.  

Did I mention that we had NEVER met face to face up to this point? It had now been nine years since that initial AOL message.  

No pressure or anything.  

I'll never forget the night I met Cali.  I was wearing a blue dress, beige boots, and a beige coat.  It was a cool Friday night in February.  I was driving home from a dinner date with Ryan, when on impulse, I decided to call Matt up and see what he was up to.  

He was at a Mexican restaurant in Venice with his friends and suggested that I come meet up with them. 

So I did the thing that any sane person would have dissuaded me from doing: I showed up at a restaurant alone to meet up with five random men that I didn't know from a stranger on the street..  

But it turned out to be such a fun night!  We ended up bar hopping in Venice and having a blast.

I instantly fell in love with Matt; he was even better in person.  It was like we had known each other for years… I guess because technically, we did. 

After that, we started spending a lot of time together.  Cali was my true knight in shining armor in Los Angeles.  He constantly drove me around when I needed rides (I didn't have a car for almost six months after I moved there), he introduced me to all his friends, and he was always there to do the "traditional male" things that I needed help with.  When I got a flat tire on the one and only rainy night in Los Angeles, without hesitation (although I'm sure he bitched about it), he showed up with a jack to change the tire for me.  He helped me look for a car.  He picked me up on the nights I was stranded.  He looked at my car when I needed a mechanic.  He drove me home on the nights I had too much to drink.  He even tutored me in physics when I was trying to help one of my students with it (in fact, he even stepped in and tutored her a few nights, free of charge).  

He was my true guardian angel.  

I guess you could say this was the time when Cali came into my life for a reason.  Without him, I don't think that I would have ever lasted in Los Angeles that first year.   He literally carried me through that year. 

Over time, he and I became close friends.  We took our dogs hiking, went horseback riding, and hung out and watched movies.  I even joined his softball team when they needed more girls (although I'll admit, I was terrible..)

Yet people always asked me why we weren't "together".  

Well, that's a simple answer:   We are polar opposites. Ironically enough, we both fall under the Pisces sign in the zodiac.. And we personify the symbol of the Pisces: Two fish swimming in the opposite directions.  

Cali is the epitome of "a west coaster".  He's extremely passive, low key, and chill.  He moves at a glacial pace, he's totally uncommunicative, and extremely reticent.  

I am the epitome of an "east coaster".  I'm extremely aggressive, energetic, and passionate.  I move fast, and am highly impatient.  I'm also annoyingly garrulous and extremely emotional., always wanting to talk about my feelings.   

We are the personifications of our respected coasts.  

And the personifications of "Yin" and "Yang".  

Needless to say, the guy drives me crazy.  He's the only guy in my life who can make me laugh one moment, and scream the next. 

But he always comes through when it counts, and I know that no matter what we're going through, when I really need him, he's there.   

He's proven it countless times.  

A lot went down between us over the past year…. There were a lot of good times, but a few bad ones too….There were tons of laughs, lots of tears, and even a few fights ( for the first time in ten years, I saw Matt truly angry).   But we've always managed to keep the friendship alive.. even if it was only on life support.  

And I know that no matter how crazy our lives get, he'll always be there when it counts.  

I guess this is why you could say that he's here for a lifetime.   

I could write a whole book about my relationship with Matt.  From day one to the present, we've had countless stories and misadventures together.  Cali is undoubtedly one of the leading men in the story of my life. 

I adore the guy to pieces; He's one of my best friends.  But he's the only guy who can truly drive me crazy.  

And I can't picture my life without him in it.  

And to think, it all began one idle Tuesday thanks to a slip of the finger and a misspelled AOL name.  

If that's not friendship fate, I don't know what is.  

Out in Hollywood, 2013

This pretty much sums up our relationship

Out in West Hollywood for my birthday, 2011

Deal or No Deal?

A few weeks ago, I reluctantly went on a date with a guy who I really didn't want to go out with.

But he was extremely persistent.  

He was a bouncer at a bar that my friends and I like to go to.  I had met him a couple times and he was always very amiable.  So one night, I gave in and typed my phone number into his phone.  I didn't think much about it. I mean, how many times do guys actually use the number they're given?

I was so wrong. 

I immediately started getting a superfluity of texts.  He was very consistent; Always sending me messages, asking me questions, trying to get to know me. 

It was the kind of thing a girl would want from a guy she really liked.  

He was extremely complimentary and seemed very interested in getting to know "who the real Dara was".  But having just gone through a little heartbreak over the holidays, I wasn't really in the mood to get to know anyone, nor was I in the mood to let anyone get to know me.  However, at my roommate's insistence (and against my better judgement), I decided to not break New Years' resolution #3 (Not be lame).  So I finally acquiesced and went out with him.  

The date itself was, for lack of a better adjective, nice.  He was polite, sweet, and very pleasant.  He asked me a ton of questions, and seemed fascinated by my answers.  I learned that he had attended Ohio State University where he played football and majored in business.  Originally from Massachusetts, he was a New England Patriots fan (burn), and loved the Red Sox (double burn).  He had worked in finance for awhile, but then decided that it wasn't for him and that he wanted to be an actor.  So about a year ago, he moved to LA to "do the acting thing."  He was tall, dark, good-looking, and very strong.  He was cordial and respectful.  There weren't any awkward or quiet moments, and ignoring my protests, he even paid.  At the end of the date he kissed me goodbye, and while there weren't any fireworks or sparks, it was just (like the date) nice.  

A few days later he called me and told me via voicemail that he had a good time and wanted to hang out again soon.

Then I did something I almost never do.  I didn't call him back right away.

Yet the text messages kept coming.  It was clear that he was interested; he was really trying to get to know me… asking questions in a way that made me feel like I was on a Barbara Walters special.   It was very sweet… in an overwhelming kind of way.

But that didn't make me want to go out with him again.

What was wrong with me? This guy was great on paper… Why was I not even giving it a chance? 

So I decided to go through my list of usual "initial deal breakers" to see  if he qualified.  

1.  Smoking: He didn't do that. 
2. Not intelligent/doesn't used proper grammar or vocabulary (I realize that this sounds a bit ridiculous.. but one of the things I really appreciate in a man is intelligence and his ability to talk about something other than Derek Jeter's batting average): He attended a good college and seemed to be pretty smart and cultured.  He didn't make any major grammatical mistakes, and he even used the word "exacerbated".  
3. Under 6'2: He is 6'4.  (I know, I know… I'm so shallow.  But I'm tall and I like to wear heels.)
4. Long Distance: He lives in Studio City (about three miles away).
5. Not be "passionate":  Here was the only area he kind of drifted into...  He didn't challenge anything I said, and he didn't seem to be a very "passionate" person. He was very agreeable (which drives me nuts - take initiative, make a decision, and have an opinion!)  The only thing he had going for him in this category was that he worked as a bouncer so I'm pretty sure he knows how to defend himself (or me for that matter) if he needed to. 

Damn.  Well I couldn't use any of those, so unwilling to give up just yet, I came up with some more, shall we say, specific excuses- er I mean deal breakers.

1.  He was a Patriots and Red Sox fan.  I could never fall in love with a Patriots or Red Sox fan (which is total bullshit because last year I went out with a Patriots fan and was really into him. )
2.  He didn't know how to dance (though he said he would try and truthfully, the only thing more sexy than a man who can dance, is a man who can't dance, but is willing to try.)
3.  There was no apparent chemistry… no spark. 

But were these lame reasons sufficient enough to end something that hadn't even started yet?  Was I being ridiculous? I was never the kind of girl was willing to just "settle" for someone because they were there…  So maybe all my deal beakers were just excuses to avoid being with someone I just wasn't crazy about.  

The whole thing got me thinking.  Why was I being so picky?  So I thought about the last guy I actually really liked, and tried to figure out why I liked him so much.  

What made him different than this guy?  

He had flaws of course, just like we all do. But I adored him despite his imperfections.  In fact, I think it were those imperfections that truly attracted me to him. 

So why didn't my deal breakers apply to him? He certainly qualified for a few of them.  

I couldn't explain it.  Why are we drawn to certain people and not to others?  Are our deal breakers iron clad without any room for negotiation? Or do we toss the list aside when we find someone who we think we really like, despite all the red flags?

And what makes someone "perfect" for us?  The bouncer was seemingly perfect; I can't really pick out anything about him that wasn't "good enough" but I wasn't even remotely interested… And the last guy I was interested certainly wasn't perfect…  but I fell hard and fast for him.  

So what made him so right and the other one so wrong?

It's no secret that I'm unforgivingly picky when it comes to men.  I've never been a "serial dater" and if I'm not into someone right away, I don't waste his or my time "getting to know them." I'm a believer in the "when you know, you know" school of thought and  if there's nothing there from the start, I cut my losses and move on.  But with that said, when I really do like someone (which so rarely happens), I give it my all and dive in full speed ahead. 

It's a huge problem.

So I started to look at my own "dating stats" and tried to find a pattern.

Some were older, some were younger, and aside from all being tall, they all were physically quite different.  

But looking back, almost all of them had one thing in common:  Almost all of them were "wounded" men.  Of course there were a few exceptions, and don't get me wrong, they were all good guys, but most all of them had endured some traumatic or heartbreaking experience that left him emotionally scarred and pseudo closed off.  And I wanted to be the one who saved him and nurtured him back to happiness.  I wasn't looking for perfection...  I was looking for a project.

Then I realized it:  I had a type. 

 Not only did that type contain many specific characteristics and qualities (tall, strong, super intelligent, and reticent), but they were simply emotionally unavailable.  The worst possible match up for someone as emotionally charged as me.  

But as it turned out, my emotional charge was completely aroused with them because they were all strong and stoic men who had some impenetrable wall that needed to be torn down..  

And I wanted to be the person to do it. 

So there it was.  I had "lost puppy syndrome." 

And my new friend wasn't lost.  He seemingly had it all together.   

No wonder I wasn't interested.  

Of course, he could have been putting on a front.  I mean, I didn't let him in on the little known nerdy fact that I read AP History books "for fun", or that my "soothing bath music" is a Puccini Spotify station.

And furthermore, maybe it was unwise for me to want these "projects".   After all, each one of them ended, didn't they? Not one of them were successful relationships.... So maybe this was a pattern I needed to break.  Maybe all this time, I was picking the wrong men. 

So I made a decision.  I decided to give the guy another chance.

Who knows, maybe he'll surprise me…..  Or maybe he'll end up with all the others, on the island of lost men.  

But either way, let's be honest here... He's a Patriots fan.

This thing realistically can't go any further than September.

All You Need is a Dollar and a Dream

For Chandler, Shannon, Becca, and Tim... Thanks for keeping me inspired. <3

There is a tradition amongst my family and friends: When someone leaves for a trip, a dollar bill is separated into halves and each person is given a piece to carry with them for the duration of their journey. The purpose of this is to ensure a return since the dollar only has value when it is whole, complete, and back together. The words "Per Fortuna" (Which mean "Good Luck" in Italian) are written on the dollar to bring luck and safety to the traveller. When both parties are reunited, the dollar is reattached and sent out into the world to be used again.

I can't tell you how many dollar bills I've cut and handed out to people; there have been so many...   But what I can tell you, is that the dollar has always been reattached and sent back out into the world...

With the exception of four times.  

Those four half dollars were given to four very special people.  They weren't people who were about to go on a trip,  but they were about to be separated from me for an indefinite amount of time.  However these dollars represent so much more than just "a separation"…. They aren't necessarily meant to be reconnected.   On the contrary, they represent "a connection."  The four people who hold the other halves of these dollar bills hold a special place in my heart and have made a profound impact on my life in some way or another. The words on those dollars symbolize either the element of their personality that I strongly admire and wish to embody myself, or a word that represents my relationship with that person.   The idea is that as long as we each have our half dollar, we will always be connected  (Think turtle doves in Home Alone 2). 

I guess you could say that it's my way of telling someone how special they are to me, and how I will never forget them.

So in addition to the description of the original tradition I described above, recipients of these special half dollars also received the following addendum in their letter.  

"Over time a new tradition evolved: To write a word on the dollar that represents the person I have split it with.  I never use the same word twice because each person will always have something different to offer - so I use a word that will remind me of them when I look at their dollar.  And for you, I have chosen the word "[whatever the word is]." 

Here are those four special people their words, and why they their half dollars mean so much to me.  

Dollar #1: "Strength and Discipline"

His name is Chandler.  And he is the best dancer I know.  

He is in fact such a great dancer, that one night when we were out dancing in Murray Hill, he dipped me so fiercely that he dipped me right into a high-top bar table where I slammed my head and and got a concussion.   

Four months later I took him to my brother's wedding as my date and everyone thought he was my actual professional ballroom partner.  He's that good.  

But our story began way before that night.

Chandler was my very first customer at the bar I worked at in NYC, Kings Head Tavern. 

After five minutes of talking to him, I intuitively knew that we would be friends…  And I was right.  

Maybe it was because he was at the bar so often with his buddies because they lived across the street, or maybe it was because whenever he was there we had so much fun, but over time,  Chandler and I became very good friends.  We would always do our signature shots of Jameson when he came in, and we started hanging outside of the bar when I joined his flag football team for Zog Sports.  He always came in with the same crew; They were all good looking, fun, athletic, and very intelligent.

Oh yes, I said both athletic AND intelligent.  Chandler was the captain of his college football team… and that college was Yale University.

He is also the most social guy I know - everyone who meets him absolutely adores him.  He has this magical way of making you feel like you're his best friend, even five minutes after you meet him.  

So when he came in to visit after his work day during happy hour, we would talk about the Ivy League (I went to Columbia which was a rival of Yale), his favorite football team (Broncos) vs. mine (Giants), or just life in general.  He learned about my family, and I learned about his.  As time went on, I became very fond of Chandler.  I adored all the guys in his crew, but he was my favorite. I called him My Scarecrow.  I even took him to my brother's wedding and he was the best date anyone could ask for.  We spent the entire night on the dance floor (I told you he was a great dancer), and he closed out the night with my dad in the hotel bar doing shots of whiskey and talking football.  He was not only sociable and fun, but he was a true friend.  

He is also very strong and very disciplined.  

Chandler knows that hard work is required for success… An exceptional athlete, he also recognized that training was vital to keep his body strong and he was disciplined enough to do the hard work when he needed to.  Natural strength is necessary of course, but discipline is essential to supplement and maintain that strength… And as a testament to that strength and discipline, in 2006, Chandler led his football team to the Ivy League Championship… and won.   But it didn't end there...  He is now working as an assistant football coach for the Vanderbilt Football team down in TN.  

Impressive, right?

As a professional dancer, I spent years turning down dinner invitations because I wanted to avoid eating anything that would make me gain weight.  I spent endless nights nights in the dance studio rehearsing instead of out with friends (My line was always, "I can't, I have rehearsal.").  I starved myself before ballroom competitions so that I my costumes would fit.  I had to work really hard to be disciplined… and it wasn't easy.  

So needless to say by the time I met Chandler, I was a bit burned out.  And I started eating lots of Lindt white chocolate and lots of pizza.  

But when I decided to move to Los Angeles a few years later, I knew that the west coast would not be the place to have a little "winter padding".  

So I got myself back in dancing shape and prepared to move out west.  But before I left, I chose three good friends that embodied some sort of quality that I knew I would need in LA.  

Chandler was the first.  

So when I look at my Chandler half dollar, I remember to stay disciplined, keep my body strong, and to avoid the Lindt White Chocolate.   

I also think about how he can Double Dutch better than anyone I know.

Dollar #2:  "Passion and Conviction"

Her name is Shannon.   And she knows every word to almost every Disney song ever written.  

This was demonstrated to me one night when we had a Disney movie marathon where we sang along (word for word) to every song from the films Aladdin, Mulan, and Pocahontas. 

Her ringtone on my phone is "Make a Man out of You" from Mulan.  

However that song is in no way indicative of who Shannon is.  On the contrary, she is the personification of femininity.  She's the girl who every guy wants to date, and every girl wants to be.

I first met Shannon in a Waltz class while I was in Grad school at Columbia.  She had just graduated from the school the year before but was still involved in the ballroom program.  I noticed her instantly - she was tall, beautiful, and very good at the waltz. She was also extraordinarily trendy - the girl has an incredible sense of fashion.  She looked like the kind of girl who had everything … you know, one of those girls.   Probably totally unapproachable, standoffish and snobby.  So of course, I went over to her and introduced myself to her and asked her some stupid question about the combination, just to prove myself right.  

She was the antithesis of everything I thought she would be.  

We instantly became friends.  

As time went on, we became very close.  We shared an affection for Disney movies, fashion, and dance.  I was living by myself up in Morningside Heights, and as fate would have it, when my lease was up, she happened to need a new roommate.  The next thing I knew, I was moving 30 blocks south to my new digs at 81st and Broadway with her.  

It was an awesome apartment, and we made some great memories there.  Shannon worked for the New York Times, and I was bartending and dancing, so our hours at the apartment were total opposite.  But we still made time for each, other especially on Sundays when we would go to our favorite brunch spot (French Roast), catch up, and shoot the shit about everything; from the men we were dating to the shoe sale at Saks. 

Like I said, Shannon is beautiful.  She is intelligent.  She is also really trendy and cool.  She's an amazing dancer, and she also is a super talented artist.  She's kind, considerate, and always willing to lend an ear to listen, or advice to be used.  But she is also has something that very few people have.  

Conviction.  When Shannon wants to do something, she does it.  And she never half asses it.  She sees it all the way through.  When she started to get involve in Zouk, a Brazilian dance, she quit her job at the Times to move to South America and continue her training properly.  THAT is conviction.  She also puts everything she has into what she does.  She is one of the most energetic people I know and it's one of the things I love most about her.  Everything she does, she does it passionately and completely.  

I have a tendency to not finish things that I start.  Maybe it's because I dabble in so many different things, have so many options, and never know what I truly want to do (ie. grad school v. a pro dance career).  Moving to Los Angeles meant that I would be running full steam ahead towards a professional acting career.... or at the least, a continuation of my dance career.  I would need to keep my eye on that prize and not get distracted.  

I would also have to remember that on the days when things weren't going so well, or the days when my feet were bloody from dancing for nine hours, that I truly loved what I was doing.  That passion is essential to any profession in the arts.. it's a thankless and moneyless job where you have to sometimes literally scrape the bottom of the barrel to survive… It's really easy to walk away, or sell out.  

I knew that when I moved to LA , I would need to remember that….. I would need to remember why I was there; for my passion of dance and entertainment industry... but I also needed to remember that I had to truly follow through on the decision I made move there.   Not half ass it, but give it my all.    I would need both passion and conviction…. just like Shannon has.  

So when I look at my Shannon half dollar, I remember why I came here in the first place, and become motivated to keep going, even on the days when I want to quit.  

And I think about how even on her most "dressed down and casual" days, she still looks perfect.. right down to her accessories.  

Dollar #3: "Loyalty and Faith"

Her name is Becca.  And she gives me wrinkles.   

I love hanging out with her because she is the funniest person I know.   I hate hanging out with her because she's giving me crow's feet from all the damn laughing we do together. 

Becca is the true embodiment of a Renaissance Woman.  She holds a Master's degree in Biomedical Engineering.  She is a marathon runner.  She has a beautiful singing voice (I even saw her sing at Carnegie Hall!).  She plays an instrument.  She's funny. Social. Beautiful. Kind.  Compassionate.  And she has a kick ass sense of adventure (we've traveled all over the world together). 

She is totally Type A.  I am totally Type B.  

She is a responsible planner.. The girl won't do anything without thinking it through.  I am impulsive, jump into things without thinking, and can barely keep a calendar.    

She works hard for her money and maintains a solid budget. I spend my money on designer shoes and fancy restaurants. 

She is open to dating all kinds of interesting and different men.  I am unrealistically picky and won't go out with someone unless they fit into my very specific type-box.  

She and I are totally the opposite.  

But we are totally the best of friends.  I love that girl like a sister.  

We've also been to hell and back together.  

I met Becca on two separate occasions.  We both had the same summer job one year, and she also happend to go to Graduate School with my boyfriend.  

I always joke around that I got Becca "in the divorce."  And it's true.  When my ex and I broke up, she did a great job of trying to stay friends with both of us.  But he turned out to be an ass to her, totally cut her off, and so by default, I got her all to myself.  My friendship with her was the best thing that came out of that relationship.  She and I were both living in the city at that time and we lived it up... to the fullest.   

She literally carried me through my break up.  It was one of the darkest times of my life, but she somehow guided me through it, all the while, making me laugh.  I also was present for her devastating breakup about a year later.  We've seen each other through it all.  The best part about Becca is that when I'm low, she always steps up (no matter what she's going through) and helps me through the rough patch.  And when she is down, I always seem to muster up the strength to carry her through her dark spot.  It's how we roll.  There are ten thousand things that I love about her.  

There really isn't enough space on my entire computer to talk about Becca. I've had more adventures with her than I have with any other friend.  She is fiercely loyal, something I truly appreciate in a friend, and I honestly don't know what I would do without her.  She's the kind of friend I can totally be myself around... I can call her at 2 am to cry to her when my heart is broken... I can interrupt her workday to tell her about the new gig I got.  She's the kind of friend who will never judge, but always offer honesty.  She always knows when to coddle, and when to give tough love.   Every time I see her, we end up laughing.. Hard.  She's funny as hell and makes me laugh so hard sometimes that I cry.  We're like Lucy and Ethel.  

But the thing I love most about Becca is that she truly believes in me.  And she has ALWAYS supported every one of my crazy ideas and dreams.   She has also been present for almost every competition, show, and exhibition I performed in while in New York City.  And she always believed in me, even when I didn't believe in myself.  Her loyalty to me as a friend has never waned.. not through boyfriends, disagreements, nor through distance.  I know I can go to her with anything, and she will never turn on me.  

I can never truly articulate how grateful I am for Becca and her friendship over the years.  She's an All-Star.  

She constantly reminded me to follow my dreams, and to be open to any and every possibility.  She was one of my biggest cheerleaders and always reminded me to have faith, even when I was at the lowest of the low.... her ever nagging reminder to "believe" became my mantra.  She kept telling me over and over that things would get better.  And she was right.. all I needed was a little faith.  

So when I look at my Becca half-dollar,  I remember to have faith, to believe in myself, and also that no matter what I do, I will always have her loyal support.

And I think about how I will need to start getting botox on my eyes if I spend anymore time with her.  

Dollar #4: "Trust" 

His name is Tim.  And he is the only person I know who can beat me in Jeopardy.  

While I can dominate him in the musical theater and history categories, his brain is an endless abyss of useless trivia and knowledge...  He gets every question correct (and I have to say that even in my categories, he gives me a run for my money…. I mean, he knew that Alexander Hamilton was a senator from New York State and was shot dead by Aaron Burr during a duel… Come on, aside from history teachers and tenth graders, who knows that?!)  

The guy is a walking encyclopedia… He's brilliant.  

He can also do a foxtrot that would make Frank Sinatra croon out "The Way You Look Tonight'  from his grave.  

But upon first glance, you would never suspect any of this from the handsome lieutenant…  I certainly didn't when I met him.   He was a pilot in the Navy who had just returned from deployment and was visiting his family in NY.  I was a dancer working a couple of gigs and vacationing in the NYC for the summer.  We met through mutual friends, and after a night in the city filled with way too many Jameson shots, we got in a cab, and left the bar together.

I never thought I'd see him again.   He moved to Hawaii, and I went back to LA.  

The End.  Or so I thought....  

In October, I booked some dance work in Honolulu, so I decided to reach out to him to see if he wanted to meet up while I was there.   I mean, if i was all the way there, why not stop by, grab a Mai Tai together, and catch up?

He agreed, and before I knew it, we were playing "getting to know" you though text messaging during the weeks prior to my trip.  I learned a lot about him, and surprisingly started to look forward to hanging out with him again.  But I tried to keep in mind that I had only spent a collective 12 hours with this guy…. this whole thing could have been a huge mistake.  

But the second he pulled up to the Lihue Airport in his jeep and flight suit, any anxiety I felt was instantly assuaged.  We immediately hit it off.  It was like we had known each other for years.  

I was only supposed to stay with him for three days.  But then next thing I knew, I had rebooked my flight to leave a week later, and was being twirled around the dance floor in a Versace gown at the Navy Ball in the Grand Hyatt Kauai.  

Sometimes, life is funny like that.  

I ended up spending ten days in Hawaii with Tim.   They were a magical ten days, and in that time, I got to see what an extraordinary guy he really was. 

He reminded me of still water; Quiet and placid on the surface, but filled with an enigmatic matrix of great depth that was inaccessible and hidden to most people.  However once I was able to dive below the surface,  I discovered so many wonderful things about him.  Not only is Tim easy going, fun, and cultured, but he is also both highly intelligent and extremely erudite.  He's a stellar swimmer and an impressive surfer.  He has strong, broad shoulders and a warm smile.  It was easy to talk to him and I was surprised by how many common interests we actually had.  

But what was most surprising of all was how easily I trusted him. 

Trust is not something I offer to many people.  I can count on one hand how many people I truly trust, and that number includes both my parents.  But for some reason, I intuitively knew that I could trust him.  And I really did.  There was just something about him that made me feel safe.... As a result, I completely open my heart to him, something I hadn't done in years.  

The day I left Hawaii, I put all my trust in the future..  I trusted that no matter what happened, each of our futures would lead us to where we needed to be; whether that meant together or apart.  I trusted that things would work out the way that they were supposed to.

And they did...  Just like they always do.  

So when I look at my Tim half dollar,  I remember to trust….not only  in people,  but also in my choices, and that things will always work out the way they are supposed to.  

And I think about how his vocabulary is more extensive than the Webster's Dictionary.

These four people have each left a handprint on my heart.  While we are all geographically in different corners of the world, I have made it a point to stay in touch with them as much as possible.   And I keep their half dollars in a safe place; they are all attached to my wall as a daily reminder... to keep strong and disciplined, to have conviction and passion, to maintain my faith and loyalty, and to trust.

And someday, maybe those dollars will be reattached and sent back out into the world.. and maybe, just maybe, they will be able to inspire someone else the way they've inspired me.  

  

The four special dollars that I keep on my wall.

With Chandler at a Mets Game, NYC

With Becca in Barcelona, Spain 

With Tim at the Navy Ball, Kauai, Hawaii

With Shannon at Boat Basin, NYC